&we'll share our littlest things

MOVING

2011-01-30T19:40:00.001+08:00

HELLO ALL . I'M MOVING TO A NEW BLOG . DO RELINK ME ALRIGHT (: WILL KEEP THIS BLOG AS MEMORIES .

http://pokethedots-espyou.blogspot.com/

All is well , i guess .

2011-01-23T17:48:00.002+08:00

Heyya , I know i haven't been blogging ever since the new year came around . Been busy with school now and the month is coming to an end soon . Not only that , a lot of things have happen over the past few weeks . I'm doing fine so far , not as great as before , but manage to put things behind me . Accepting the fact that i'm still not over my last ex-boyfriend and knowing that i'm dating right now . Which i don't know the status we are in now . Everything happens for a reason right ? I still suffer heartbreaks and heartaches and i still keep it to myself . I have this habit of doing so .

Lately , i found out a lot of things about the people around me . Especially him . I'm not sure that he reads my blog or not but whatever it is , this is my say . I just dont know how to go up and face you like how i've been for the past few weeks . Girlfriends told me to be extra cautious and i still am but i just don't know what type of games your playing with me . Come to think of it , you don't deserve me . Really . There is someone out there that deserve you more . More than i do . She needs you . I can't and won't deny that it hurts but i'm willing to let go of you for her . Cause you never wanna know the pain and torments she went through and be it said that she's actually strong to face it every single day . I'm not sure myself if you're heartless or not . I wonder how does it feels like admitting that you can never really love anyone else . I wonder how does it works on you to actually toy around with others feelings , especially me . Your confessions is a big mess to yourself because you know you got yourself caught between reality and your dreams . You know you can never be happy with another and yet giving false hopes to others who really are sincere towards you . Call me stupid for being this way but i can't deny the fact that i'm a victim to . I just dont know where to start telling you all these cause it doesn't matter to you anyway , right ?

What am i suppose to do now ? Just go with the flow , play games and get hurt in the end ? Or just walk out and leave ? Im fine with it . I'm fine with games . cause im prone to pain . "i love you" is the biggest burden to me . Hais ): I'm done . No more .

BYE 2010 , HELLO 2011

2010-12-30T21:55:00.002+08:00

Heyhey ... (: The year is coming to an end and i will officially put all the past behind me and start afresh . It's hard to say goodbye but i have to start a new chapter in life . I can't deny that i met awesome people and have an interesting learning experiance throughout this whole year . Every single memories are treasured ... I love everyone , I love my girlfriend and I love myself <3>May this new year bring joy , happiness , smiles to my beloved friends and family . ^^

xoxo

HAPPY 8TH TO ME ALONE (':

2010-12-07T22:01:00.005+08:00

It's the 7th of December today . The date that i will always remember . The date that was suppose to be special to me , but maybe now not anymore cause every 7th hurts and the pain lingers around me . If i were still with you , we would already be celebrating our "8th month" together but not anymore . I'll wish every month for us to have a better future . Everyone deserve to sparkle so do you . I need to sparkle too . I officially move on with someone better . I'm taking things slow now , very slow . I don't want to screw anything up like how i did the previous times . Your my ex now . An example of a person i should look out for in future and the mistakes i did in the past to make it better the next time .

KARMA'S SWEETEST REVENGE ♥

2010-12-04T00:12:00.003+08:00

It's December now and so far nothing has changed abit apart from the bits of truth revealing itself to me . GAME OVER because i found out most of the truths i've been wanting to know . To be honest , knowing the truth is easy but accepting the fact that all these happen is seriously a big blow to me . Up till today , i don't know whether to regret or not . I appreciate that he still loves me up to today and his struggling to move on even though it can't . It opens my eyes to see that actually ALL GUYS ARE THE SAME even though they prove me wrong . Cause firstly , they'll sweet talk making us soft-hearted girls fall for it , saying that they are not "blood thirst for girls" , love them for a few months and let go . So who's the heartless creature now ? And ohhwell , i didn't expect that you're one of them . It was really unexpected and shocking for me . But somehow i have to let it go . Moving on is never easy but i have to let go of my feelings towards you . You were single 3-4months ago ? Why didnt you tell me ? If i knew that , i would have leave you way before all these happens . But since you were single 3-4months ago and you're still with me , why didn't you ask for a break up ? Why ? Because throughout that whole 3-4months when you were "busy" , you could use that as an excuse to run away from me because you know i'll always gonna be there don't you so it wouldn't be obvious . You were busy , Youtube-ing , playing games ? Haha . I dont think so . 14 friends's in your new msn account ?? Girls ?? 7sept ? Ohh since when you create a new one without me knowing . So much of your nothing every single time i asked aye . Haha . I wonder how you manage ehhhh . Why still hold on to me back then ? Because they can't support you like i do ? No dude , seriously . You should have told me and i would really let you go if that makes you happy . You enjoy watching me cry because you feel stronger , you enjoy seeing me being negative only to know that you didn't "realize" it . I am happy being with you but you're treating me this way . Who's the one who is always in the wrong . Just so you know if you don't realize and if you put away your BIG EGO away , it's been your mistake the whole time but you're making it feel that is was mine . Give and take ? I'm the one who has always been doing that . First move ? I'm the one who has been doing that . How about you ? You're the one who always want things to go your own way . I know how you feel now but are you happy that your hurting me 3times more than you do ?? I wonder how many girls you have met , how many girls you make out with , how many girls you brought to the same place as me , how many girls you brought home and how many girls you lay down with on your bed which was suppose to be me . You should have told me way earlier . You make that mistake , not me .

You hate people who don't know when to be serious and dislike people who don't know how to control their emotions and get pissed off for no reasons . Why didn't you bother telling me ? Ohh you know why ? Because you say it wasn't important . I wonder to how many people you've been talking bad about me ? There is no such thing as 1 sided love ? Well dude , you gave me that . YOU GAVE ME THAT . not me , not even once . I've been enduring for 7months , maybe the last 3-4months after our 5th monthsary you were already " single "but i endured till 26November2010 that i officially let you go . Things happen for a reason . You ought to know the truth yourself . I'm still willing to give you chances after chances but that if you are willing to take the risk . Me being truthful , loyal , faithful and understanding towards you , you just took advantage of all that and let it waste down the drain . I'm taking risk to give you a second chance and chances after that cause if you can do this to me one , you can do it again . And if you're with someone else , if you can do it to me .. obviously you can do it to her too right ? I appreciate and treasure you alot but you don't seem to think or even feel that way . If you ever cheat and lie to some girl you're with .. she would leave you hanging , leave you for some other boy and just breakup with you and not turning back . You wanna know why i still give you second chance ? Because NO ONE loves you the way i do and NO ONE can give you and shower you with things that i did . You just don't appreciate what is infront of your eyes but instead you went looking for something/someone else . That is your mistake , not mine . But if ever comes a day that a girl proves me wrong , she deserves you cause she's better than i am . I have everything and i only lose you . But you lose me and all the great wonderful things that you didnt appreciate . My Karma is on you and that is the sweetest revenge i could give you for all the things you have done , for all the things you didnt and for all the things unsaid . Because you left me suffering this way which im having this good feeling yours will be worse .

PEACE , xoxo

STARTING FRESH .

2010-11-30T18:50:00.003+08:00

It's coming to the end of November where i've been thru alot of struggles with love ones . Losing someone special to me wasn't expected as thing weren't going the way we want it to be . But this is life . I got to accept the fact that sometimes are not meant to be together . If they do , it will fall back into place . Its like the saying goes .. " learn to let go . If its yours , it will come back to you . If it doesn't , it wasn't meant to be " . It really doesn't matter if i can't get to hold you and tell the world your MINE but i'm grateful enough that we are friends , we're still gonna talk and support each other's back and knowing that you won't leave me just like that . Well even though we're friends now .. i will still count the months we've been not only symbolize our love that was not forgotten but the friendship we build . I have to give myself time to adapt with the changes happening around me unless he allow me to do so like still be the first person to text/talk in the morning and be the last at night . I have to get used to controlling my emotions , not seeing him often , him not onlining on ooVoo anymore , not calling you "Baby" except the teddy that you bought for me and alot more . too much to say . But honestly , im blessed to have someone like him in my life and no matter what has happen .. he will always be special to me . I can't and won't deny that i love you cause i still love you the same but i have to keep my feelings low and not expect too much . So yeahh .. i hope December will be a decent month for me , you and my other friends who's struggling . I really hope we can be really good close friends or even better my guy bestfriend and share about almost everything to each other like how me and Insyirah do . Dear Faiz , i love you . Always have and always been .

xoxo

IT'S OVER )':

2010-11-27T22:18:00.004+08:00

It's over . We're over . It's still a big blow for me accepting the fact and facing truth that we are over . Its been a day now and im struggling so hard to forget the incident that happen they day before the break-up . I was the one who ask for the break-up while maybe he was already hinting for it . I have to accept the fact that Faiz was no longer mine anymore . I have to accept the fact that he is not gonna be there for me anymore . I have to accept the fact that he has the right to choose whether we can be friends . Because i don't think he would want to after all i did and after all that has happen . Hais ): I can't stop crying thinking how hard this could be . I just wanted you to understand me , that's all . I just wanted you to be patient with me , that's all . But you turn out otherwise , you were rude to me which i couldn't handle . Your words just cut me deep . Your actions kills me inside . Till today till right now , i'm still waiting for your reply . If your ego is preventing you from replying , please don't . At least a reply and i'll be happy . Its hurting me so much . eventhough i have my friends and family members cheering me up and lighting up my dark moments , i still feel empty . I've lost you . And i dont wanna lose you as a friend . You're voice , face and scent still linger around me . I still have pictures of you . Your name in my contact still haven't change . It's really hard for me . And if only you're reading this and eventhough you don't wanna talk to me .. you still look out for me from out there by reading this blog . I wish i could talk to you for the last time . I wish i could hold you for the last time . I wish i could see you for the last time . I thought you would text or call me when i ask for breakup and giving me every reason you could to not make me leave , but you didn't . you just left me hanging without any answer from you . It's tearing me apart , its tearing me so badly . Why are you doing this to me ?? Why ?? Am i not giving you enough ?? Am i not fulfilling your needs ?? I'm sorry . Baby i'm really sorry . I had no choice but to let you go . I love you too much . Letting you go was the last thing and that i did . I'm really sorry from the bottom of my heart , please forgive me . Its better for me to hurt and suffer now then going thru all of that later . I'm sorry baby , i really am . I'm sorry for every little thing i've done wrong to you and for the things that i didn't do . I love you , i still do but i'm totally broken deep down inside . I'm sorry . Eventhough we're over , i will always .., always love you like i always do . and you will always be my amazing boyfriend . I hope that one day you would forgive me and that we will be friends . I'm sorry for everything .And thank you for all the love , care , concern ,memories that we had for the past 7months together . They are truly treasured . I love you Faiz , always will and always been . That little furry friend is Fai . He was given to me by my dear exboyfriend whom i love the most . And i will always keep and have him to be my company . Never fear , Fai is here (':

2010-11-15T20:42:00.002+08:00

Okay lurh . I guess i have to seriously shoot it out . Cause it's weighing on me everytime i close and open my eyes . I don't know whether i'm thinking too much or i'm like following my emotions or just paranoid or maybe insecure but i can't help feeling this way . I left home with an empty mind today and suddenly you appeared in my thoughts and never leave . Well , at first i thought it was pretty normal cause i'm sure All Girlfriends feel the same way as i do right ? But on my way to school in the train as i was reading my novel , i just stopped and look at every corner from where i'm seating . His face is lingering around me the entire time and the ache just started to be deeper . Not even that , i even scent his smell wherever i go . And when i was asleep just now , he was in every single bit of my dreams . To me it's a good thing having him on my mind all day but it just hurt . sometimes i just feel sad without any reasons . Everytime i close my eyes , i can see him right infront of me and when i open , the ache just started to hurt more . I really don't know what's wrong with me . I guess it's me , thinking too much and over-reacting . I've been like this eversince that Saturday night .. Hais . I've always wanted to tell him all these things but my thinking was different . I'm afraid of telling him due to that extend he'll think it's because of him i'm like this . My negativity just hit me so hard that i'm struggling . The uneasy feeling is like going around in motion and making me feel worst . I kept asking to myself why his onlining so late lately , why isn't he randomly calling me asking where am i , why isn't he asking about my well being like how i always do (which he did once the other time , and it felt like a miracle him doing so cause its been so long since he asked about me) , what is he busy with , why he haven't been asking why i never asked to meet him , why he never mention anything about seeing me , why does he react like he don't care , why is he like leaving me behind , why do i bother giving offline messages till today which he don't even do it anymore , whether i'm a pain in his ass or very leceh , whether im being very obsessive , whether his just uncomfortable with me now , why i don't feel him anymore but only when his around , why is he not being like how he used to be , why does the things he say and the things he do is different .... I don't know . I just wanted to clear my doubts but again everytime i want to do so , i'll keep thinking that if i do asked .. he'll think i'm like accusing him for me being this way . I wish all these could stop . I always worrying but he don't seem to be worried even a bit . Honestly i tried to refrain myself from saying those 3 words but i can't . Again i feel like a lost wet puppy wondering around in the rain . It's not that i wanna start an argument with you its just that this is how i feel . To me , it's like everytime i have this kind of issues going on and you there telling me this and that ... i feel like your taking this lightly . I mean like of course you can't do anything to help but i just need you to just like really listen to me and pay attention to me , not doing anything or not saying anything and just comfort me . That's all . But i guess it will only be a dream cause it will never happen . I guess im asking too much from you . You may think im a attention-seeker but i only need the attention from you . I don't want to end up getting attention from someone else and someone else just treat me right . I don't want to add on to whatever situation your in , i just need you to know about all these . I love you so much you know , can't you tell ? Hais , i miss you . so much that it hurts . hais )':

FIGURE THIS OUT .

2010-11-14T22:17:00.002+08:00

I won't start with a " Hey ! " or a " Hi ! " either because my thoughts are messed up with things i shouldn't think about or even let it bother me . People tend to come and go in your life or even stay without looking back and give you a hand . Some people are ignorant too in that sense about the surroundings and some just don't seem to care . To put it simple , its like me not wanting to share whatever im keeping inside and let it eat me inside out . Mainly because i don't want to be nag at , i don't want anyone to hear me out for the sake of it , i don't want anyone to think that i'm weird , i don't want anyone telling me i'm thinking to much . Sometimes i think to myself who would take up their time reading whatever i've written here , no matter how short or long my post is , and actually think about me for that moment . I bet no one ever did that before . Fuck , why am i so paranoid ?? Hais , my insecurities is always there no matter how much i try to throw it away . I feel insecure every single time now . I just need a clear piece of mind and not let all these little things hit me hard . But everytime i'm alone , keeping quiet .. All these negative - heartpain feeling just drill me in both mind and soul . I want to continue typing but my heart ache more and more . I just don't know what to say anymore . I don't have the courage to ask anymore . Sometimes i feel like not bothering anymore but my heart tell me otherwise . How am i suppose to let all these kind of feelings go ? Entahlah ... Aku tk tawu aper nak buat uhh . Hais )':

I don't have the strength )':

2010-11-01T21:39:00.003+08:00

I'm trying to grab hold on myself but nothing seem to be working on me . I'm trying to stay strong yet i'm shaking inside . Again , i don't know how to feel anymore . Officially i'm torn apart . I can't fake a proper smile or laugh like i used to . It's written all over my face that i'm not okay . It's seriously hard for me now . To accept the fact that we're in a situation whereby either you realized it or not . My mind isn't still in peace ever since the other day when i came back to my senses . All of these things just came falling on me like heavy rocks and i couldn't move them instead watch it fall on me helplessly . I don't know whether im thinking too much or my negativity just couldn't be erased . I feel like we're drifting apart , and somehow not holding onto each other anymore . It's like we're hanging on the strings too and it can just snap any moment . I don't want it to happen . My heart's aching everytime your name lingers around me . My heart ache every time i reminisce back our memories . My heart ache telling myself we don't talk like we used to . My heart ache knowing that you won't call me back . My heart ache knowing that i have to be alone . My heart ache everytime ...........

HOME ALONE

2010-10-30T17:19:00.004+08:00

Heyya . Another restless day at home on a weekend which i'm not looking forward . Eversince October started , i predicted a joyful and loving month for myself but things turn out otherwise . Indeed i've been complaining a lot and going through difficult times knowing that somethings are better doing it alone . I still carry this heavy feelings with me which i myself am trying to let go . I hope for a recovery when November is here . As for today , i woke up an hour earlier and have a bit of time to myself . Watch cartoons and spend time with Kammy since she's at my place . Talking about her , having her around with me really lighten me up . She can withstand my bullshit and all my crappy behavior (which no one ever seen it before except for her , her brother and my brother) that i put them into . She left a few hours ago and will be back soon to entertain my lameness and sense of humor . Boyfriend will be away in the meantime due to his friends coming over so will only be able to talk to him when his back . Well , it's been awhile since i really get to talk to him and see him laugh and smile eversince my confidence and esteem went all the way down . I miss the thought of him bullying me and just cuddle me when i'm afraid or when i break down . I miss the thought of him playing around with me in the train and sing randomly to me . There's a whole lot of things i could say but reminiscing those memories bring tears because the fact is that I really do miss my dear Boyfriend alot . If only i could just be in his arms without either of us saying anything and looking in his eyes would just make me feel better . Baby , i just miss you so much and i really need you here with me . That's all i need . You and your big warm hug that can make me feel better . I love you my dear , i love you so much . Only you . And Happy 7th is in a week's time . I gotto start preparing (:

xoxo

I'm back (':

2010-10-29T20:15:00.003+08:00

Heyya , i'm back . Just to update so it won't be dusty here . I've been spending my time on Twitter and Itunes cause it's the only thing that keeps me company throughout my lonely days . The fact that i would just stare at the blank screen and not saying anything and keep the play running in my head so i don't seem dead inside like on the outside . Days in school never change . More conflicts arise and as each day pass by , i can clearly see how hypocritical humans can be . I skipped school for 2days in 2weeks in a row . I'm so not looking forward for weekends cause i know i'm gonna be at home rotting and be stuck within the 4walls ( my room ). Thank God Its Friday but yet , another boring day has passed . October is coming to an end in 2days time and we'll say hello to November . And yet again i'm not looking forward to a month where i'll be occupied with Final Year Presentation which holidays won't start when December draws near . How suckish can my academic calender be . What's more , my Usual cliques are looking forward to spend their holidays with me (which i can't promise them always) after their O's . Mainly because we are still schooling and exams are not here . Since i've been at home for almost the whole week , i stuffed myself with Disney cartoons and more cartoons . I could say i've been sleeping early lately because i can't help with the thought of being awake till morning , finding myself not doing any good , further more being alone . My mood for this week is Unpredictable . Really . I can be happy and sad at the same time . I still have thoughts running through my mind and its unnecessary for me to let it out to anyone . Let's just say i have my own dirty little secrets . I mean , everyone do have secrets or things that they don't wanna mention . I have my own . Eventhough im caught in this situation (which i don't want to talk about it cause i'm really exhausted talking about it) , i think i'm starting to love being at home (eventhough i hate it so s much) and not doing anything . All i can say is , i'm doing fine . Full stop . (':

2010-10-24T00:16:00.002+08:00

Can i throw my anger here ? can i ? please .

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK BLOODY HELL BLOODY HELL BLOODY HELL BLOODY HELL BLOODY HELL BLOODY HELL BLOODY HELL BLOODY HELL BLOODY HELL BLOODY HELL BLOODY HELL BLOODY HELL FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

WHY EHH ??? WHY SELALU MACAM GINI ?? AIYAAAAAA . FUCK LURH . FUCK YOU . FUCK EVERYTHING . IM FUCKING EXHAUSTED . FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK .

RUNNING BACK ♥

2010-10-21T20:19:00.002+08:00

Just to say HELLO ! ^^ Life's been fair to me now and i learn to love myself more . Thanks to Boyfriend♥ for being here for me and listening to me . I love you my dear , more and more each day .

Running back Lyrics :

These days you barely even say my name
Like you don't really feel the same
I'm wondering whats to blame
These nights, I fall asleep wondering where you are
It feels like we're falling apart
And it's totally breaking my heart

Cause if bein' with you means being alone
And never knowing when you're comin' home
Then I guess Im better off on my own

But I cant move on
Cause that means forgettin', forgettin', everything we had
Instead I keep running, keep running, I keep running back
Cause I keep forgettin', forgettin', you treat me so bad
So I keep on comin', keep comin', I keep comin' back

I keep comin' back

(I keep running back)

And I keep running back

(I keep comin' back)
I keep comin' back

(I keep running back)

And I keep comin'

I keep running back

My friends say that I should leave you behind
And stop wasting all my time
They tell me that I'm out of my mind

But I know that what we both share is real
And that I been willing to deal
With the way that you're making me feel

Cause if being with you means being alone
And never knowin' when you're coming home
Then I guess Im better off on my own

I keep comin' back

(I keep running back)

And I keep running back

(I keep comin' back)
I keep comin' back

(I keep running back)

And I keep comin',

I keep running back .....

...To you

I'M NOT LIKE YOU

2010-10-16T23:12:00.005+08:00

Days are passing by real fast . The more each day is coming to an end , the more i can't tolerate . This month has been extremely hard on me . I don't know how to feel and i don't have any idea what to do next . I'm so messed up . It's seriously killing me . My mood swings are getting so bad that i end up throwing my anger at anyone . I just want whatever that's inside me to go away . Go fa far away from me and not disturb me and crush anything anymore . I'm really exhausted with all the things i have to face every single day . Who can i really talked to ? Who can i really sit down and talk and know that they will listen attentively to what i'm gonna say and not be there for the sake of listening ? I can't trust anyone right now . In this world , theres too much hypocrites . And i'm suffering because of it . I can't sit in my room with the 4walls . I'm trapped . I wish i could break free but i have no more strength . Why can't i be the normal person i used to be ? Why am i being a lifeless person now ? Why am i so negative ? Why is the world crushing down on me ? Why ? People say they care for me but i don't see that they do . All i wanted to do is just break down and cry . Cry so hard that my eyes are swollen and that my body feel numb . I can't go on like this anymore . It's killing me . I feel like theres no one for me . I feel empty . I've been alone nowadays . Why can't i love myself ? Why do i have this thought that i'm the cause of eveything that's happening ? Why do i drown myself with sad , heartbreaking , emotional and meaningful songs eveytime i felt this way ? Why do i have to think of unusual things before i go to sleep ? Why ? Why am i this way ? I'm lost . I can't find myself now . Why can't anyone be patient with me ? Why do my heart felt so heavy everytime i type all of these down ? Why can't anybody understand i'm behaving this way ? Why do everyone point out the things i've done wrong and not the things i've done right ? Why am i shivering right now ? Why do i always fake a laugh/smile everytime im outside ? It's just me . It's just part of me . It's just a part of me that you cant accept , can't handle , not used to . I'm not finish yet . I'm not like you .

DEFINE ME AT MY WORST ☮

2010-10-11T16:03:00.004+08:00

Heyya . Let's do a proper post for this month alright ? October started well but it turned cocky in between , i'm barely halfway through the month cause my mood swings are changing without any signs . Basically , i dislike what's been happening to me and that how the people around me is going to react because yesterdays' incident really got me fucked up like hell . Yesterday was one of the worst ever mood swing i encounter and i seriously cry my lungs out so badly . Due to the rotting-at-home-doing-nothing thing struck me for 2 long tiring and humid days , my mood eventually got so bad that i can spend half of my time sleeping and the other half staring into blank space . I did whatever i wanted but hell , time goes by super duper effing slow . It really burns me up . Whatsoever i was more to a " Lost child " wondering alone in the streets . I swear i was alone most of the time . That is how i curse and swear how fucked-up my life was being alone and a loner . Boyfriend♥ , Girlfriend , Siblings and Parents wasn't there with me instead i was being nagged at . My apology if this is offending but that is how i feel . I have so many negative thoughts going in and out of my mind and that's where all the insecurities and worries starts to play their role destroying me bit by bit . I wasn't thinking straight and all i could think of is " I don't know " most of the time . Its been so hard on me that i could barely feel myself . I needed someone to talk to , i needed someone to hold me and just let me let go of all these things that's been whelming up inside me . To be honest , letting all these things go at Boyfriend♥ and Mummy doesn't help at all . Instead , it got even worst eventhough they are the ones i needed them to be there .

In the end , i called Girlfriend up and by listening to her voice made me tear apart . I cried as loud and as hard as i can . Whining and complaining about all the things that made me feel like this . I cried even harder when she understands why i'm being this way and why im hurting so much and told me to cry everything out . Yes , crying doesnt solve anything but it ease my pain . It ease half of my pain that i'm bearing inside , my heart hurts . I did feel better after that and continued talking to Boyfriend♥ but the pain started to add up even more . I totally gave myself up for that moment , switch off my lappy and ring Girlfriend up cause i know she's expecting for me . And again i cried my heart out , letting go the rest of the pain i've been carrying . The feeling of someone comforting you and asking you not to cry anymore makes me feel that i don't need to go around looking for someone who could lend me his/her shoulder whereas that someone is right infront of your eyes . Girlfriend accompanied me through the late nights i can't sleep and finally i chose to rest . Maybe i got to stop looking for people and make those people look for me instead . I don't want to look so obsessive and i don't want to be so obsessive to that extend . If a person truly cares for me and needs me to be there for him/her , he/she should have the effort to look for me right ? Instead of me looking for them like most of the time . If those who were reading this , how many times did you try looking for me ? Asking about my whereabouts ? Worrying about me ? Asking me about my well-being ? Wanting to know how i've been so far ? You can answer these questions through my tagboard and tell me if i'm wrong all these while . Your thoughts or things that you all have been keeping away from me because of certain reasons , tell me too . One day i still have to know the truth no matter how bad i can't handle it . I know myself better . Why should i bother if ya'll don't right ? I'm exhausted of all these things . Physically , mentally and worst , emotionally . I feel fucked-up to go through the same old shit every single day , either be nice or give me some space . And i apologize , i won't mention names here so yeahh . Don't ask cause i wouldn't tell by hook or by crook . Please , don't make me suffer . I can't heal myself anymore and i'm dying because of all these . I'm still 17 going to 18 next year and i want to lead a life like normal young adults too . I can sincerely let ya'll know that i understand ya'll very very much and care how you might feel but please spare a thought for me . That's all i'm asking for )': I'm dying . If you can't accept me at my worst , you don't deserve me at my best . I love everyone who loves me and particularly I love my Boyfriend♥ even more . I have nothing else to say .

xoxo

I HATE THIS PART

2010-10-10T21:10:00.004+08:00

Sometimes , i just can't control my emotions which is struggling so hard to get out . I hate this part , seriously . When im at my best , there's always something stupid trying to happen to me . Like what's happening right now at this point . Half of me feels like slamming the door and the other half wants me to go to sleep till the next day . Mixed feelings uhh but i hate this part . but you know what , i spend half of my life sleeping and the other half staring into blank space without doing anything . Well yesterday , i spend half of my life staring into blank space and today .. I spend half of my life sleeping . COOL RIGHT ? Who the fuck wants to lead a life like mine . Like what Boyfriend♥ say to me , I'm a Retard . Yes , in a situation like this i admit i am a retard . Sometimes i'm weird . You name it , i am . I'm tired uhh to like defend myself when things like this happen . It's annoying . This equals to me having a very bad mood . So if i have an attitude problem , pardon me cause i don't really care who i might shoot at . 3 fellas did and i'm counting down . Ohh , Boyfriend♥'s back . Did i mention that ? I just did . I think i will stop here before i start listing down who and what did these and that . 3 cheers for LONERS DAY (:

BYE

YOU MAKE MY WORLD GO ROUND ♥

2010-10-09T20:13:00.002+08:00

Heyya ! It's been a long tiring day and i have been rotting at home ever since i woke up from sleep . My leg's aching , my arm's aching and i'm having bad tummy ache . Reached home at 6.30am and went to bed half and hour later . Was up the entire night cause Boyfriend♥ and I had a wonderful time spending together . It was one of the most craziest yet awesome day . I have been going out with Boyfriend♥ for a couple of days lately despite him supposedly to be staying at home and study . A new month with new experience and challenges awaits us . Celebrated Happy 6th with him and my dear boy♥ is effing seriously sweet . I can't describe what i'm feeling right now but it was so so special . Everytime i look at the gift he gave , it made me smile so wide . And guess what , i have not even open it yet . Baby♥ , i'm so madly deeply in love with you . I'm totally blank now and i don't know what to say . A proper post next time ? I miss you already dearest♥ .

xoxo

HAPPY 6TH LOVE ♥

2010-10-06T23:44:00.005+08:00

HAPPY 6TH MY DEAR♥ !!!!! ^^ We've made it through half a year after all the hardships we have gone through all these while . Its really a blessing that we made it this far and that there's still more to come in the near future for us . Thank you for bringing joy and happiness into my life and brightening up small little things that i never been able to do it . Thank you for being patient with me and stick by me through our ups and downs we had . Life has always been special with you and i thank God for making everything possible in his own way . I can never ask for more cause what i have now is enough for me . It is seriously more than enough . I can never find anyone who could be like you . I have so much too say but all i could really say is I LOVE YOU TO THE CORE and that you will always have a place in my heart and always will .

xoxo

AT LEAST A THOUGHT TO SPARE )':

2010-10-03T15:55:00.005+08:00

Heyya , how are you ? Me ? I'm not fine at all , not even an Okay . Everything is in a mess . A big fucking mess . I couldnt help myself but to think negative the whole time and following my instinct . I gave up on myself cause i can no longer do these anymore . I'm weak , i'm helpless , i'm hopeless . I can't even stand up on my own feet . I lost all my energy to live . I lost myself . But what kept me going is you . I can never explain or express myself deeply because i lost it . Yesterday was not what i expected . It didn't turn out good . I forced myself not to cry but yes i did ontheway home after he left . Ahhhhh fuck it . Why am i feelings these way ? Why can't i just be happy and not worry for a day ??? Why are those actions bothering me so much ?? Why must it be these way ??? Why ????? WHY ?? WHY ?? WHY ?? Why must i go thru it rather than someone else ?? Why must i ended up getting hurt ?? Why must i hurt myself so much about it ?? Why ?? Its not that i dont wanna say it all out . I want to . I fucking want to say it all out . But what will happen after that ?? What ?? Am i asking too much ?? Am i ?? I'm going crazy . I can't control myself . I can't think straight . Its haunting me . Its seriously haunting me . Can anyone just spare a thought for me ?? Just sit and listen and hear me out and give me a long warm big hug so i can feel better ? Can even anyone make me feel better ? I dont think so . I'm tired . I'm really tired of facing it everyday . I ended up feeling ignored . It's life and this is Karma right ? I gotto be patient then even though i myself know i can't . Forget it .

JUST LIKE 'EM ♥

2010-10-01T00:30:00.002+08:00

I'm bored right now . Baby♥ is away for the time being so im here waiting . Well , this is random but i wanna be couples like Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens . Mainly because their relationship still stay strong till now i guess ? Ever since High School Musical 1 . And that was when im in sec1 ? Haha . Random okay but anyway , i'm very relieved that i wasn't rejected when i asked Boyfriend♥ to go on a date with me this weekend . I really am you know . Alot of things when thru my mind before asking him and after i asked him . I'm nervous at the same time but when he said , "okay , let's go " .. My heart really woah . I can't describe what im feeling either but i feel good not being rejected . So this weekend , will be catching movie with him , have lunch and dinner and we'll head down to city hall . I didn't tell Baby♥ about my plan for Happy 6th too . Later , gonna head down to Holland V probably with mummy to get clothes for Saturday and My Happy 6th . Gonna try something new ^^ I'm so in love with the song Say Okay by Vanessa Hudgens . its an old song but the lyrics is meaningful . okay , i miss him .

Lyrics to the song :

You are fine, you are sweet
Fine, I'm still a bit naive with my heart
When you're close, I don't breathe
I can't find the words to speak and I feel sparks

But I don't wanna be into you
If you're not looking for true love
No, I don't wanna start seeing you
If I can't be your only one, so tell me

When it's not alright, when it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better?
Will you say alright? Will you say ok?
Will you stick with me through whatever
Or run away?

Say that it's gonna be alright
That it's gonna be ok

When you call I don't know
If I should pick up the phone every time
I'm not like all my friends
Who keep calling up the boys, I'm so shy

But I don't wanna be into you
If you don't treat me the right way
See, I can only start seeing you
If you can make my heart feel safe
Feel safe!

When it's not alright, when it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better?
Will you say alright? Will you say ok?
Will you stick with me through whatever
Or run away?

Say that it's gonna be alright
That it's gonna be ok
Don't run away, don't run away

Let me know if it's gon' be you
Boy, you got some things to prove
Let me know that you'll keep me safe
I don't want you to run away

So let me know that you'll call on time
Let me know that you'll help me shine
Will you wipe my tears away?
Will you hold me closer?

When it's not alright, when it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better
Will you say alright? Will you say ok?
Will you stick with me through whatever
Or run away?

Say that it's gon' be alright
That it's gon' be ok
Don't run away

Say that it's gon' be alright
That it's gon' be ok, don't run away
Will you say ok?

Say that it's gon' be alright
That it's gon' be ok, don't run away
Will you say ok?

xoxo

EENIE MEANIE BOO ^^

2010-09-30T18:06:00.003+08:00

HELLO ^^ Okay , somehow i'm feeling better after crying day and night for the past 2days about things that i did which made someone really totally upset but i cried even harder knowing that his always being patient no matter what i did . As a girl , of cause i feel totally guilty but hopeless at the same time due to same mistakes i did over and over again . Yes , i may have given up on myself but i have not gave up on him . And it will never happen . So anyways ... as usual , life has been ups and downs for me . Mummy has been falling sick and yet , she doesn't want to go to the hospital because she knows if she do .. She have to be warded . So i'm praying that she'll recover soon . Besides that , school's been a bitch especially final project so im finding a way to like finish it quick . I already planned for Happy 6th and this time , i really really hope that it will turn out well . And as for this weekend , I wanna go on a date with my dear boy♥ . I really want to , just me and him . Hope his in the mood for it , wish me best of luck when i asked him later . For a person like me , i really did a whole lot of countless mistake which i always end up doing it all over again so most of the time i'll get hurt for what i'm doing . Boyfriend♥ is right , i can't handle the truth and i have a big ego weighing on me and yes , i admit i do . We are totally opposite but it never stop me from trying harder . Well , i know my dear boy♥ is reading this right now . But honestly , when i see him .. i have this guilt inside me that is struggling to get out . The guilt of all the little wrongdoings i've done yet he is still there for me .. patiently . Me and my thoughts huh ... I miss him . So much . Eventhough i don't show it .. I really do . I want him to know that i'm still here no matter how much time is being so cruel and how many more storms i need to go through . I just need him to know i'm still here . It has always been killing me so badly . I just want you to know that i need you more than anyone else . I can have my friends surrounding me the whole time but they cannot be compared to you . All im thinking now is that i hope you have the mood to go out with me this weekend and you would want to go out with me . I love you .

xoxo

ITS BROKEN )':

2010-09-28T20:44:00.003+08:00

I don't know whether i have to fake a smile or just be my usual unhappy self right now . My feelings is mixed with sadness and angriness . I don't know whether to just continue keeping what i've been feeling the whole time or letting it out to you . I don't know whether to go on or just be stuck where i am right now . I don't know whether you needed me or not as much as i needed you . I don't know how to shed my tears to or keeping it away . I don't know how to hold on because i always fall behind . I don't know the meaning of live or maybe life is just cruelly unfair . I don't know how to walk away or just stand there and let the tide hit me to death . I don't know how to feel when all the open scars are not mended . I don't know how to put a smile on your face because every time i make you frown . I don't know how to love myself because i don't feel love anymore . I just feel so sick . I'm useless . I don't want you to not care because i do . I don't want you to leave me alone because i won't let you . I don't know what to even type right now cause im hurting so much . So much that i wish i could just stand in the middle of the world in total darkness and with the help of a glimpse of light to make every little small bit of pieces fall back into place . I wish i could runaway from everything and anything that makes me feel this way . I wish my mum would hug me so tight and brush through my hair with her fingers so that i know she is not going away . I wish that you would take my hand and bring to a place where there's only you and me . I wish i could never fall and cut myself because you brought me to the safest place . I wish ...... I wish i could be yours forever . I miss you . And it's killing me . I wish you would go through this with me . I wish you would care for me . I wish you would love me as much as i love you . I wish i wouldn't cry for all the things that you and i said .

I'm sorry . For everything .

I love you Faiz .

SATURDAY FEVER ♥

2010-09-26T20:38:00.002+08:00

Heyya ! I'm back for updates . My Saturday was hell fun even though there were delays in between but we managed to complete all houses . My greatest gratitude to this year's event organizer , Fitriah and Amalina , for making this Hari Raya outing a success . Thank you so so much for your hard work and patience through out the planning and the dramas happening here and there . But it turns out very very smoothly . Maybe this year will be the last year i'm gonna have any outings for all of us . God's willing , we'll see how it goes . So now .. let's hope and pray for the best to our dearest friends who's taking their O's very very soon . And perhaps , we shall organized an after surprise party for you guys ? Anyway yesterday , i reached home nearly 1am in the morning and did not continue to the last house cause i was already feeling sick . I can say most of us went home instead cause it's so late to continue . I'm not exactly sure who went to visit the last house . As usual , meetup with Fitriah and the rest . And as always the rest were late . Some met us at Woodlands instead since it's our first home . Along the way , the rest came and join us . Won't explain details but i'm sure all of us had a great time getting together and catching up with one another . Took so so many photos . But up there is the group photos which i love to admire . Well then , i gotto rest . My dear boy♥ is out i guess and i don't know his whereabout cause there's no offline messages . Yes indeed i'm sick and i'm all alone at home . Everyone is out . Baby♥ , i need you now . ): Looking forward for tomorrow's Hari Raya outing with ITE mates .

xoxo

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME ♥

2010-09-22T23:05:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AINN ^^

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME .

YAYNESS !!!!!! I'm officially 17years old today . It's time for me to start counting down to my 18th Birthday next year . Car license , here i come (: So yesterday , i didn't attend afternoon class as usual instead i went down to Yishun to meet my dear Boy♥ . Took 39 with Rudy and Big instead of 969 . Actually , the distance travel is still the same though . Had lunch with Baby♥

, spend a lil time with him and i went back home cause' he asked me to . It was raining heavily and i board the train and bus soaking wet . Baby♥ knew i was effing tired from school and that we wants me to go back and rest instead . Besides , i am still able to see him some other days too . The usuals , we walked to the same coffee shop and ate our chicken chop rice . And while eating , i some sought of daydream . Of cause i will deny whenever Boyfriend♥ ask if i'm doing okay but a lot of things went through my head while i was there .. Siting at the same table , same position with my dear boy♥ beside me , enjoying our food together . The thought that whether he will come back to this place again and have chicken chop if we went our separate ways . Well , of cause i won't leave him , that's for sure . But yeahh , seriously that crossed my mind . I love him so much so that i'm afraid of falling down without him by my side. He complete me . Even though his the 2nd Boyfriend i am serious with being in a relationship , it feels different than the previous one . He allows me to open up and constantly give encouragement and motivate me to do better things in the near future . There's a lot of differences but all i know is i love him just the way he is . I love him for who he is . The very first time in my life i have this feeling of satisfaction , happiness and greatness from the person who truly sincerely loves me back . After all we've been through , it comes to this that i treasure and cherish him deep in my heart . I love you my dear♥ and i always have been loving you . You need not get me gifts for my birthday cause you're the gift that i need and that is you being there for me every time . That is what i wished for every night upon the moon and the stars . I wish to only have you and only you on my own . That's the greatest birthday wish i can ask for . So Baby♥, hold my hand and let's fulfill all our dreams and make it come true . I love you . Always been and always will .

xoxo

AND THE DAYS PAST ...

2010-09-19T23:51:00.002+08:00

Heyya . I'm back . I know i haven't been updating for the past few days but since i'm kinda free now , might as well i do it right ? School have been keeping me away lately due to my M4 project so i gotto really work hard on that one to push me next year . Anyways , I head down to Yishun cause Rudy is having Open house and my closest were there as well . I had my hair cut too and it's short . Met Boyfriend♥ at his place and we walked to Rudy's place as it is nearby . Girlfriend already left long ago but will be able to see her first thing in the morning later . Well , so far things are doing good around me , nothing much . Spend time with Dear boy♥ last Thursday ^^ Am very happy cause i'm able to go out with him . Met him today too but we didn't talk that much . And will be seeing him again this coming Tuesday and Thursday since my clique and myself will be going out visiting . Kinda excited though but what worries me is that whether the plans will go smoothly . I gotto to endure till November 26 till all these projects are over and what's more to come , i'll be having my NYAA soon . So i guess i'm gonna be busy ? Botak told the 5 of us last week that during these 2years serving for NYAA , we'll be sent to overseas and do our projects there . It hit me in the head you know . Go overseas lehh . Then it's like i'm leaving the rest behind (family , friends , boyfriend♥) ): And ohh , my birthday coming !!! ^^ Mummy asked whether i wanna plan anything but on that day itself all of us are jalan-ing Raya . So yeah .. Rude having his BBQ on the 1st and 2nd Oct . But nonetheless , my birthday is in 4days time (: Hehe . I miss Baby♥ .

xoxo

MIXED FEELINGS ):

2010-09-13T21:49:00.002+08:00

Heyya . Let's do a proper post alright ? Well , it comes down to this day where we're on the 13th day of September for those who just realized it . and exactly in 10days time , i'll be celebrating my Happy 17th . But this time together with Rude since our birthdays fall on the same month but different days . Anyway , Hari Raya for me is per normal so far .. the same old thing happening over again . My life is okay , like usual but Boyfriend is like missing in action nowadays . I'm worried sick though , i don't know his whereabouts and all and worst still , he don't have a mobile phone . So yeahh , i struggle 2days without him and today , i don't know myself . I went Clementi today and met my beautiful people at West bowl . They played LAN eversince school ended just now . I left halfway to get Boyfriend's shoe and met them again afterwards . Had dinner at LJS and i went home after that . Adding on that i didn't went to school today and i actually was supposed to have breakfast with Mummy at JP but i woke up late . so yeahh . Anyway , Boyf's back . So yeahh . GTG .

xoxo

MY 17th BIRTHDAY WISHLIST ♥

2010-09-11T01:39:00.003+08:00

This is random but i have my wishlist for my upcoming 17th birthday . Well , so far .. there's only five . SO yeahh :

1) To be a better person .

2) To last very very long with beloved Boyfriend♥ .

3) To go shop till i drop .

4) To get my limited edition Nike kicks .

5) To own a Canon DSLR 500d which i am longing for .

1ST DAY HAS PASSED .

2010-09-11T00:48:00.002+08:00

Heyya ! I'm home after the whole day outside but only manage to go 3houses today . Standard , first day . Basically , i forced myself to wake up early in the morning cause i know imma take up so much time with preparing and stuff . Ask for forgiveness from parents and got my first " pay " . hehe ^^ I know i very bad but yeahh , i always do . Wore GREEN this year and i feel kinda excited cause cousins were already texting me about my whereabouts . Cabbed down to Paternal aunty's place at Redhill then to Grandma's place which we spend almost the whole day there and after which to Grandma's brother place at Hougang . I swear i gain weight eating , seriously . OHH , my Lil'Rascal feed me satay goreng at Grandma's house . So sweet of him , i like ^^ Overall , today's fun even though when i read twitter after i reach home , this fella kinda spoil my mood for labelling me a "whore" either by purpose or accident . Hari Raya right ? Nevermind , i forgive you okay . If he knows about this , i guess you kena screwed by him ? Anyways , i'm looking forward for later . Going to travel around East side with family members by Lorry . Confirm gerek (: And i'm going all RED later , YAYNESS . Baby♥ will be going Malaysia at 5am in the morning . So i pray for your safety alright , hope ya have a safe journey to and fro . I'm gonna miss you so so effing much . Your in my thoughts the whole time . I'm gonna wait for you till youre back okay . I love you baby♥ , very very much . Well , i gtg . Need to hibernate now .

xoxo

THE DAY WHEN THINGS TURN OUT RIGHT ♥

2010-09-09T10:01:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was the day when we really talked our hearts out especially me , thinking that i would be naggy and so long winded but it was worthwhile . You finally understood how and really feel and how i've been hurting myself so much . I know that for the past 5months , we're just putting our problems behind us and barely leave it hanging . So i guess our conversation went well despite you not wanting to talk about it but eventually we did . I love you so much and i'm sorry for whatever that has been happening between us lately . I've been unfair towards you in everyway but i'm sure now you know my reasons . But afterall , we manage to go through this in a calm manner without any screaming or confrontations . I know i've been asking for too much from you but i just needed you to notice me being here , co-operate and communicate with me . I get worried easily now and some-sort of sensitive too . Well you know we have to depend mostly on our laptop to communicate since you don't own a phone now . And we rarely meet due to time constraint . But all that don't matter to me that much anymore . For all i know , we clear things up and make it better and that i really sincerely do care and love you . Besides my family and friends , you're the ONLY one i have left .. no one else . And Baby♥ , you're such a sweetheart . You stayed awake all night and managed to keep me accompany till i head to school . That's really thoughtful of you but i'm sure you gonna have a good long rest . Soon your heading out with your Mum and which , i'll be meeting you after break fast today . I am looking forward to it very much and i seriously have to treasure every minute i have left with you . Since tomorrow we're already celebrating our New Year , i bet we won't have time for each other that often . Futhermore , you're going Malaysia this coming weekend )': Nevermind , i'll wait for you to come back alright like how i always wait for you ^^ Okok , i'm seriously looking forward for later . TOTALLY CAN'T WAIT !!!! Baby♥ , i love you . Always do and always will .

xoxo

RIBBONS WRAPPED AROUND MINE .

2010-09-07T20:16:00.003+08:00

I feel somehow pathetic though and ended up getting a "scolding" from you just because i didn't manage get your buttons and the fan you asked me to . I admit i forgot to bring extra money the other day but today was no excuse . The shop was closed when i get there , so what can i do now ? Mummy was there with me the whole time when i went to look for the shop . I went around the whole place looking for the buttons and fan because you needed it . And what's more , i even told her i'm gonna look for it in Geylang tomorrow after school . Then what did i get from you ? " If you don't wanna get it , you can tell me " . I'm really pissed . How dare you say that ? And i even apologized cause im unable to get it today . Then now what ... we're both keeping quiet cause you're mad at me or because you don't wanna start any quarrels ? forget it okay . Really , forget it . I'll just pass the things you need tomorrow after school , then i'll go back home straight okay ? I can feel it being squeeze so tight . Forget it Ain , forget it . Put it behind you and you're gonna do fine , i hope . Hais ): Thanks alot .

I LOVE YOU ♥

2010-09-07T17:31:00.002+08:00

Colors . Beautiful colors that light up the dull life that everyone have . Whenever it comes to colors , it reminds me of chocolates and you . Yes you Baby♥ , it's you . You have been the one adding rainbows into my life the first time you step into my door . I adore you so much for being able to making me smile each day .When we were friends at first , my instinct tells me something good will come my way . When i was yours , i have every right to be the most craziest and happiest girl in the whole wide world . No matter how bad the situation is whenever we got into fight , you still hold on to me after all the pain i have cause you . You would play around with me and make me laugh so hard . You would scold me for crying like a baby and hugged me cause you know i will feel better after that . There's a long list of things i could write about you but it is you who is the reason for me being able to stand thru it all . Saying those three words is never enough to express how deep my sincere feelings is towards you . You're the only guy who prove me wrong about my perspective towards guys , you're the only guy who my parents approve of , you're the only guy my friends keeps asking about , you're the only guy who i gave everything to , you're the only guy who meant the whole universe to me . You are the best boyfriend i had and i would want you to be my last first and my last . To summarize all these things up , I LOVE YOU baby . I really do . For who you are . I love you for every little thing that has brought us this far . I love us . Without you , i couldn't have make it till today . You are a big deal to me and i treasure you a whole loads . HAPPY 5th MONTHSARY my dear boy♥ . May we last long and will always be together forever . I love you . and i'm missing you so much .

With lots of love and misses ,

ME ^^

xoxo

AUGUST IS OVER ! ^^

2010-09-03T05:05:00.003+08:00

Hello ! Good Morning ^^ It's the 3rd day of September on a Friday which i'm not schooling . 2weeks of holiday isn't enough but thanks to the 2 extra days of holiday .. I managed to catch up my sleep . I have not exactly have my proper sleep yet cause i am always wide awake at night . I'm nocturnal , even Boyfriend♥ can't stay up as late as me apart from school days . Don't mind the picture taken up there . That was after Geylang last Wednesday with Mummy , Aunty and cousins . I finally bought my Baju Kurung which is Green apart from the Red one i bought . I even bought my heels but not as high as my previous pair . Well , the main thing i wanna stress about it that August is finally over . Like thankfully ... It's been a rocky month for most of us especially in my clique . Each and every one of us had our major ups and downs , a lot of things happen lately which i won't leak out details here . Less than a week before Fasting month is officially over , i totally can't wait . Not that much for Syawal but i can't wait for my 17th Birthday and my Happy 5th . Besides that , i have yet to study for my exams and phase test which i have to do well . This is absolutely crucial because if i flung these upcoming papers , i have to spend another 6month of my life repeating the module . So to play safe , i better study .

Anyways , eversince holiday started .. I have been sleeping effing late and i can't stop that habit . No matter how much i try to sleep , i will end up waking up in the middle of the night wide awake . Mummy's kinda upset about it though but i don't seem to do anything about it . Back to the story , i went to meet Boyfriend♥ yesterday . Spend time with him and it's been soo long since i last saw him . I really miss him so much . And i love it whenever he embrace me , its so heart-warming . Slacked around till 11pm and i rushed home . At home , i stuffed myself with pineapples . I swear my tongue's burnt by it . I have no choice but to eat pineapples till i'm able to stop . And i planned to head down to the nearby clinic , i'm scared . Pray hard that i'll be fine okay ? I'm still thinking weather to go out and watch Haunted Changi . Insyirah needs me and she's coming with Taufik . Let's hope mummy allows me to go out . Other than that , Boyfriend♥ asked me out this weekend since we haven't been going out for so freaking long . I'm happy that Baby♥ is sacrificing his time on a weekend to go out with me even though he have to stay home and study for his O's . Hopefully we'll able to celebrate our Happy 5th also ? since the official date falls on a Tuesday , a day which i end school fvcking late . Haiss ): But i'm still glad that i'll be able to go out with you this weekend . Okay , i'm looking forward for our Happy 5th . Boyfriend♥'s having school later and his last prelim paper . All the best for Chem later , alright baby ? I gtg now .. going to watch my dear boy♥ sleep , accompany him till he leave for school and then i'll go to sleep (: I love you dearest♥ , missing you so much .

xoxo

A WEEK LEFT ♥

2010-08-31T20:31:00.002+08:00

Heyya ^^ How are you guys ? I'm doing great great . A week left for Ramadhan and Syawal is in the house ! I'm totally excited about it . Time do fly very fast and everyone is rushing for preparations . Mummy even have to rush to get kuihs , enough for the whole month . The reason why is because she didnt make any this year . So instead we have to buy . I still have not bought my pair or shoes and my green Kurung . Will be heading down to Geylang with Mummy , Aunty and cousins and get whatever that is missing . Sooo far , everything is flowing smoothly . Boyfriend♥ and myself we're doing great together , meet him last Sunday . Really happy am being able to meet him . Right now im looking forward to see him again . School's okay yesterday , very slack . Didn't do anything much but i had fun in school with friends around .. Headed to Tampines 1 after school , window shop and went back home . I bought bestfriend necklace for myself and Girlfriend . Will be getting it for Natasha and Syahirah too . And i'm planning to get something for Baby♥ too . 5th Month next week !!! OMG OMG OMG . I can't wait , really can't wait . After all me and Boyfriend♥ went through , we managed to reached the 5th month of our relationship together . All the sweet and sour memories will never be forgotten because i really cherish us and the little things that happen , happens , happened and happening . It will never be the same without you . You're the reason why i always look forward to everyday . And throughout the years i've celebrated this special month , i'm able to celebrate this coming special month with my special someone for the first time . OHH , i paint my nails orange ^^ . Me likey likey very much , striking . I'm starting to fall in love with Orange thanks to Boyfriend♥ . Don't worry , Red will always be one of my favorite color . Boyfriend♥ called just now informing me that he'll be online late cause his busy . So yeahh , i'll wait for ya dearest♥ . I love you (:

xoxo

ARE WE OKAY ? TELL ME

2010-08-28T03:05:00.004+08:00

Dear you ....,

I wanna apologize to what i've asked earlier on . And that you may think otherwise of me but i have no intention , its just a question . I know i didn't mention that you're there for me but its clearly stated you are . sometimes whatever i say doesn't make sense but it crossed my mine , i have the right to know . What haunts me ? It haunts me when you said , " Its you're fucking life do whatever you want . I dah malas nak amek tau ". It gives me nightmares each time i close my eyes every night , waking up .., hoping , wishing and praying that whatever you said is not true . That you don't mean it . If you do , i will totally give up . I miss you and you're the person i needed the most . After that fight we had , things between us is different . Don't you notice or feel that way ? Yes , it is . We're treating each other differently . I know i'm a coward to not say it right at you . I don't have the courage to do so . What's more , maybe the way i said things will hurt you . I thought about how you felt and the outcome before mine , that's why i ended up getting more hurt . I can't stop because i am that way . It's never the same . We were never the same that's why i asked you whether the both of us are okay . Yet , you said i don't know . Have i done something wrong that you can't forgive me for ? Or am i the one thinking too much about all these ? And to what i see , sometimes you even avoid answering questions whenever it comes to us . Why that way ? I'm hurting inside . So much . I endure because you told me to stand up for myself . I am and i'm staying strong . I will endure all these and let the heart shatter pieces by pieces till i'm totally broken . I love you .. so much . But i don't know if i'm missing out or lacking anything as a girlfriend to you . It's just not us . You can never know , by hook or by crook , how a girl really feels because you are boy . I apologize to you because i value our relationship more than my ego . Yet you stopped me from apologizing . In some situation , i will try so freaking hard not to blow my top on you because i understood your situation now . The reason why i never wanted to tell all these right at your face because i don't want all these to add on to what your'e going thru and affect you even more . I'm your girlfriend . I care about you . I care about how you feel . I care about what you need . I care about what you think . I get worried sick when you fall ill . I love you so much that i tried my very best to give you everything . I love you . I love you as a person , i love everything little thing about you but now it's not the same . I don't wanna list down things and expect you to just change immediately just to please me . I just want you to realize what i'm feeling and going thru right now . That's all . As time pass by , people do change .. I know . I do change too , so its unfair for me to say your'e the only person who have change . I seriously don't expect anything in return because it can't bring back the one guy i use to fall in love heads over heels deeply even though i fall in love with you everyday , every sec , every min , every hour . Right now i'm loving the guy named Faiz instead of Fai . The guy who used to constantly tells me , "Never Fear Fai Is Here" . I wish i could have the Fai back but it will only be a dream . Dreams don't come true cause if it does , it's bullshit . I believe in working hard for my dreams instead of waiting for miracles to happen . So in what way must i work hard for to get the Fai back ...... Do you have the answer ? I don't . I really don't . Well my dear , you know very well i'm indecisive and i don't wanna make decisions now . I don't wanna make the first move now ... Instead i want you to do it . For the time being . If your'e sincere , i'm more than happy . And stop saying you gonna flung your O's . I'm gonna murder you if i happen to hear that again . Even though your'e struggling in your studies , have faith and believe you can do it . I'm sure that you're able to get satisfying grades for your O's . I believe in you so you have to believe in yourself too . You know i got you back like how you got mine . But i'm telling you this .. I do more than you do . You will always be Ain's Amazing Boyfriend because definitely you are . You're the best i had and i swear to God you mean the world to me . Baby , i really love you . I really do . I never want to lose you . I nearly lost you once , i nearly lost you twice .. I never wanna lose you again . That matters the most . I love you hunny bunch . Missing you freakingly awesomely much . Always will and always do . And you will always , truly be on my mind every single time .. NOT ANYONE ELSE EXCEPT FOR YOU AND ONLY YOU .

Love , me

xoxo

ITS GONE

2010-08-27T23:09:00.003+08:00

Heyy , thank god it's friday and yet .. It's coming to an end soon . To summarise it all ... i lost my mood . I really do . Fuck it okay . I'm done .

GIRLFRIEND ♥

2010-08-27T00:14:00.003+08:00

Girlfriend♥ , HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY my dear (: It comes to this very day that you're gonna be the happiest lady in the world . Your officially 17years and i have yet to wait for next month to start counting down . So anyways ... May all your wishes come true and stay happy in life with or without love ones . You are strong enough to pull through anything . Last long with Shah too alright ? ^^ We've grown closer since pit and now you're my bestfriend i count on each day . Thanks for every little thing we've been thru throughout these whole 8months . I'm looking forward to more adventure and surprises in future . We're celebrating our 5th Monthsary soon too with our Awesomely dear Boyfriends♥ . Ohh well , i'll see you later today at my place for your mini birthday celebration plus break fast . I hope you enjoy yourself and put away what has happened all these while behind you . Have a blessed birthday bb (: See you .

xoxo

ALL AROUND ME ☮

2010-08-26T21:25:00.002+08:00

Heyya (: It's been a long and tiring day today despite the long sleep i had throughout the whole afternoon . I'm doing okay lately , nothing much about me . It's been the same . Everyday is a normal day now , nothing exciting or special . Just me and the world . I've been spending most time on my own apart from my family members and Girlfriend . I've been talking to my friends a lot and people from the past just came back and fall into place . It feels different now . The surroundings , the people ., everything feels different . Never ever ask me if i'm okay or not ? Mainly because i'll answer the same . Mummy has been the only person in my life now who i look forward to be with everyday now . She's been hearing me out , been supporting and acknowledge me through my hard times alone . I depend on her more now . I'm falling sick too and i swear it's getting worst . I'm hurting myself more and more each day now . I need to cry . I'm gonna be fine , don't worry about me . Did i mention Lizwan called me this afternoon ? Yeah , he did . His my ex-boyfriend though .. a very very good friend of mine . Ask how i'm doing and stuff and surprisingly , he do read my blog . And from what he told me , he said i've change so much . I'm sorry Wan if the change me kinda kill you but this is me . I am myself but a changed one . That lady you once knew before is just not there anymore .. You should know yourself too . Time flies and people change . I'm sorry (':

So yeah , i'm looking forward for tomorrow even though i lost my mood . I lost my appetite too . And more heartaches . See , i'm getting stronger right ? Girlfriend and Clique will be there to break fast and have a mini birthday celebration for my dear girl at my place . And Boyfriend♥ will be there too but ........ Mummy will be cooking dishes for us and i hope it will turn out as planned . As for Saturday , i totally can't wait for it to come . I miss my Beautiful People . I bet i get hugs too ? ^^ Totally psyched about it . Okay , i'm drinking hot milo mummy made for me and afterwhich , i'll wait for Boyfriend♥ to online . If not .. i'll just go to bed . I need my rest , will try to turn in early today . Goodnight all .

xoxo

LEGAL !

2010-08-25T00:42:00.003+08:00

Heyya ! Well , this is gonna be a short post for this Smart Ass up here . Shafiq a.k.a Afiq a.k.a Fiqo , HAPPY LEGAL 18th BIRTHDAY DUDE ^^ Haha .. i know you've been waiting for so long to this very day where you are legal . Well , 2weeks back i think , Boyfriend♥ celebrate his and now is this Smart Ass who's already at a legal age . Like again , i have to wait for another year to the time where i turn legal like 'em . Kau botak macam Usher , sumpah ! haha . Okok , Happy 18th Birthday dude . May all your wishes and BIG dreams come true . Stay happy in life and find a decent girlfriend for yourself aye . Thanks for every little thing we've been thru and you know your amazing . haha . I'm glad i found a supporting and hilarious friend like you who quarrels with me over little thing . Have a blessed birthday Dude :D Don't forget me when you have a girlfriend like how i never forget you when i have a boyfriend♥ :P

And to my Dearest all time amazing Boyfriend♥ , i love you hunny bunch sugar rush . I'm looking forward to friday as i am able to see you and break fast with you at my place with the rest of the clique . All the best for prelims alright . I miss you baby♥ , so much .

xoxo

PERFECT TWO ♥

2010-08-23T02:09:00.004+08:00

Heyya ^^ What a long sunday right ? And it comes down to a new week . Today marks the 3rd week of Ramadhan month and i totally can't wait . Not only i'm counting down the days to Hari Raya .. I'm also counting down the days to my Happy 5th FAG&AAB♥ and also the days to my Module exam which falls on the eve of Raya . So yesterday , i spend the whole day at home since all my relatives are coming over at my crib to break fast together . Even though not that many people , the situation is very cheerful . My aunties get together and talk-talk . The young ones will be playing around and as for me and my other 3 , we just hang around like always . The food !! WOW !! I can gain weight eating all the food served on the table but luckily i control and drink lotsa water instead . Thirsty much ?The whole family watch YOG Soccer match against Haiti . I don't like the way they play but i must say well done to the young cubs , they were good . Even though they were defeated , they play well . Help mummy clean all the mess and all and i went online , Boyfriend♥ was already there . Well we almost quarrel but i apologize . And baby♥ , every single time i apologize is because i value our relationship more than my ego . I can't afford to have another misundertanding with you because i'm hurting to much now . And i'm trying to make things work for us . I can't afford to lose you just like that , it's painful . I feel safe whenever you're around . I love you so much . And i'm missing you badly . I'm touch when you told me not to cry even though i was when i told you i really miss you that badly . I hope you can really make it on friday , i really do . I feel perfect with you . I love you my dear♥ . And heyy , the song in my playlist .. I love it . That is what i feel about you . Here's the lyrics ..

Perfect two-Auburn :

[Verse 1:]
You can be the peanut butter to my jelly
You can be the butterflies I feel in my belly
You can be the captain and I can be your first mate
You can be the chills that I feel on our first date

You can be the hero and I can be your side kick
You can be the tear that I cry if we ever split
You can be the rain from the cloud when it's stormin'
Or you can be the sun when it shines in the mornin'

[B-Sec:]
Don't know if I could ever be
Without you cause boy you complete me
And in time I know that we'll both see
That we're all we need

Cause you're the apple to my pie
You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
And you're the one I wanna marry

[Hook:]
Cause your the one for me (for me)
And I'm the one for you (for you)
You take the both of us (of us)
And we're the perfect two

We're the perfect two
We're the perfect two
Baby me and you
We're the perfect two

[Verse 2:]
You can be the prince and I can be your princess
You can be the sweet tooth and I can be the dentist
You can be the shoes and I can be the laces
You can be the heart that I spill on the pages

You can be the vodka and I can be the chaser
You can be the pencil and I can be the paper
You can be as cold as the winter weather
But I don't care as long as we're together

[B-Sec:]
Don't know if I could ever be
Without you cause boy you complete me
And in time I know that we'll both see
That we're all we need

Cause you're the apple to my pie
You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
And you're the one I wanna marry

[Hook:]
Cause your the one for me (for me)
And I'm the one for you (for you)
You take the both of us (of us)
And we're the perfect two

We're the perfect two
We're the perfect two
Baby me and you
We're the perfect two

[Bridge:]
You know that I'll never doubt ya
And you know that I think about ya
And you know I can't live without ya
No..

I love the way that you smile
And maybe in just a while
I can see me walk down the aisle

[B-Sec 1/2:]
Cause you're the apple to my pie
You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
And you're the one I wanna marry

[Hook:]
Cause your the one for me (for me)
And I'm the one for you (for you)
You take the both of us (of us)
And we're the perfect two

We're the perfect two
We're the perfect two
Baby me and you
We're the perfect two

xoxo

BABY ITS YOU ♥

2010-08-22T02:54:00.002+08:00

Heyya (: How are you today ? I'm great ! As always because i've been living life to the fullest with no regrets . Mummy taught me to not regret every little decisions i make in life and to learn from it . So anyways .... i'm getting that pair of kicks soon , hopefully by next week . Been dying to have pair of that . Boyfriend♥ is getting his soon too by next week ? Kammy and myself planned to get a pair of Rad II kicks each . Haha , shall ask mummy to get for me (: So anyways , it's 3.10am in the morning and i've yet to sleep but because i'm talking to dear Boyfriend♥ , i wont XD . He is sucha sweetheart , i swear . I miss him so much ): I wish time could fly fast so i could have Baby on my own . So yesterday , i headed out with Lil'Rascal to return his due library books , followed by Chinatown point to sell my pre-owned watch which i am still half hearted to sell it and then cabbed to SGH to visit my sick aunty who has just been warded last night . I break fast at the hospital with both Kammy and Lil'Rascal since i'm not able to make it back home . Mummy went Johor yesterday and bought different varieties of Hari Raya Kuih . I have yet to taste them though . Did i mention i went Baybeats yesterday ?? It was awesome ! I freakingly love the music played by the bands . They were extremely good ^^ Kammy came back my place too which is double the fun but now she's asleep . I guess Boyfriend♥ is asleep too 'cause in the morning , his having tuition and furthermore he will be going to his Aunt's place for family gathering . I'll be busy too today cause i myself will be having family gathering at my place . Totally excited about it . All my young ones will be here and it's been so long since we have a family feast . Let's pray hard that it will turn out well and pray that my aunty will recover soon . Hehe , okay .. I gtg now . Wanna watch my dear boy♥ sleep . I miss you too hunny bunch♥ . Loving you always .

xoxo

LIVE LIFE LIKE YOU NEVER DID ♥

2010-08-20T20:29:00.003+08:00

Hello (: Aye , i look kinda shag right ? Yalah .. never sleep the whole day . As in , i did . Only a few hours then i wake up , bathe and break fast already . Was suppose to go out but i didn't instead i stay at home . Mainly because i don't wanna go out alone . I feel weird to go out alone , really . I mean , i'm not used to going out without anyone tagging alone cause most of the time i have someone with me . And somehow , kinda lost my mood today ? I'm not sure about it but yeahh . Nevermind , i'm at home though and i'm not talking to anyone except for myself . Yes yes , i've been talking to myself for the past 1hour . I'm online though but nobody talked to me , even boyfriend♥ . Well , i did tell him that i'm online and i even tried to webcam but no response . Maybe his busy ? I don't know . It's okay .. Like i mention in a few post before , i need to do something and kill my time right ? So later on , after this post , am gonna complete my Archi Handwriting assignment and after which , do a little bit of my research . I'M TIRED !!!!! But i can't sleep . Hais ... I was actually suppose to go Jurong Point with Lil'Rascal to watch Step Up 3 but i have no energy . I think i should have time for myself today .. will see how things go then . And thanks Muzzie for accompanying me . Bye all .

xoxo

S L E E P L E S S -- N I G H T S

2010-08-20T04:46:00.003+08:00

Hello . It's nearly 5am in the morning and i'm wide awake . Amazing kan ? I know . I manage to have a small conversation with Babylove♥ before he fell asleep again . The conversation was about the duration of sleep a person should have . And neither of us meet to that duration because we either spend too much or too little time sleeping . As for me , i always have more than enough time of sleeping . Approximately 12hours or less ? Haha . and as for Baby♥ , less than 8hours . This explain m sleepless nights . Okay , i swear i'm starting to talk bullshit here but i don't think i'm gonna sleep the whole day though . Cause i'm gonna accompany my dear boy♥ before he goes to school , i'm going to tag along with Mummy to the market since she needs someone to help her carry the stuff , then after which i need to complete my Archi handwriting assignment which can take me the whole afternoon and after my break-fast meal .., I'll be heading out for Baybeats . So yarh , by the time i reach home .. i'll be dead beat and i guess i'm able to sleep and that will be Baby♥'s turn to watch me sleep . Hehe .. Ohh , my friend asked me whether i wanna go Baybeats with him instead despite of me going there with Kammy and Kit . And he thick-skin , confidently say i will be attracted to him . I like his confidence but making assumptions that i will be attracted to him is a huge turn off . Seriously , i mean . He knows i'm attached to a wonderful and an amazing boyfriend♥ but by saying that , it gives me creeps . Let's just hope that i'm able to have a short nap and that when i see Mael later , he will be surprised that i actually am not interested . Ohwell , i wanna continue watching Boyfriend♥ sleep . Goodmorning all (:

xoxo

HUNNY BUNCH SUGAR RUSH ♥

2010-08-20T02:33:00.003+08:00

Hello hello ^^ It's late i know but i can't help it .. Been sleeping very late lately and i will only fall asleep after my pre-dawn meal . Okay , Boyfriend♥ is gonna be awake soon so yeahh .. better blog first . So yesterday , I was at home and Insyirah came over to do our assignments but only completed half cause we were too engrossed watching YouTube . Anyway , I totally can't wait for later . Heading down Esplanade to catch Baybeats but i'm still not sure whether Boyfriend♥'s tagging along . Cause he didn't mention anything .. If not will be going with Kammy and Kit instead . Boyfriend♥ having Science practical later on so all the best my dear . Boyfriend♥ has been apologizing to me lately for not spending time with me . My dear boy♥ , don't worry aye . I understand so very much you're busy with O's . I truly understand ... I'm all yours once you're done with all that , i promise . I'll give all my time and attention to you after all these things that's taking us away from each other . I will .. Like what you said to me the other day , it's been ages since we spend quality time together . I feel you baby , i do . We just have to be patient and go thru this together aye ? You study hard and i'll study smart , alright ?? I miss you alot Baby♥ , i really do . I love you hunny bunch sugar rush♥ .

xoxo

THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS ♥

2010-08-19T00:59:00.003+08:00

Heyya ^^ Eh , guess what . The picture i uploaded is taken a few minutes ago . Just for this post , i running out of photos uh friends . Anyways , i met Boyfriend♥ yesterday . YAYNESS (: I swear i happy giler . After long time not seeing him , he looks different . His even more cuter and even more adorable than last time , he like baby-face gitu . I like (: I'm mischievous today , kinda and i know Boyfriend♥ also like . And what's more , Boyfriend♥ very very good-looking yesterday *drooling* Met Baby♥ at Bukit Batok MRT , went to meet Bangla Man and ohhhhh , he brought his Wife along too . Paid for his Mp3 which is negotiable and went around WestMall to find screw-driver . Made our way to Jurong Point and ended up at my place instead . Luckily at home , Mummy kept this small screw driver . Borrowed it to Boyfriend♥ since he needed it to repair his other Mp3 . Yarh , he got 2 . Spend time with him at the void-deck , catch-up with each other and stuff and yes indeed ..., I told boyfriend♥ that Puasa , Hari Raya and O level is taking him away from me . He understand how i feel and i just have to wait for time to fly . I need to be patient and i am patient . Then after that , i'll have him on my own .. And Boyfriend♥ yesterday action , he say to me to be careful and not get caught if not kena fine for smoking . GRRRRRR , i know you lepas already .. don't need action with me :P . One year to go , i'll be patient . Then my turn okay ? Hahha . I love you lurh my dear , alot . Missing you very very much too . Did i mention i webcam with Natasha yesterday ? Ohgod , i miss her so fking much .. Well , we did catch up with each other and i got to know knew things too ... Happy for her that she's leading a happy and enjoyable life . Will be seeing her and the rest of the clique too on 28th . Totally excited about it , can't wait !!! And ohh , I'm going Baybeats'10 this coming weekends . Prolly with either Boyfriend♥ or Kammy , so yupp . HAHA . Boyfriend needs me know , gonna accompany my dear boy♥ to sleep . Nights people ^^

xoxo

Once we were legends , now it became a legacy ♥

2010-08-18T00:32:00.008+08:00

Hello (: This post is for my all-time darling love ones . Okay , my face buruk because it was taken around last year December back at Aunty's place in Belakang Padang , Indonesia . We family go back there once every year and i swear , the place very cool . We all like (Y) . You wanna know why ? Because the village is somewhere at the ocean of Indonesia and the village is on water . YES , on water .. As in not floating but the village in built on water . I didn't get to go this year cause i was busy staying at home . And and look at us(excluding the little girl with curly hair) , we look SUPER DUPER KENTAL SIAA ...-__-" . Kammy with her not-so-long hair , Rude with his tak senonoh face , Bro with his budak-budak face and me with my pinned up hair . Ehh , now big difference you know . Wanna take a look ?? Come i show you .......

Different kan ? Okay lurh ... At least we don't look kental anymore . NYAHAHAHA XD . But nevermind , we still love us . We grow up together since we were born to this world . The order goes from Me , Rude , Kammy and Bro . Alahai , if only i'm able to show our Hari Raya pictures when we were young . Then can show the growing years of us 4 . Basically , Rude and myself were spamming each other's notification in Facebook as well as Kammy's and Bro's . I swear hilarious . We posted videos of theme songs we love to watch during our little young days . Since it's the fasting month , we're gathering at my Crib for Iftar and all our relatives will be there . And soon enough , Hari Raya will be here . I seriously can't wait . Ohhwell , its a random post . I'm going Baybeats for these 3days on friday onwards , so if ya see me .. Letme know alright ?

xoxo

PEACE ♥

2010-08-17T22:28:00.002+08:00

Heyya ^^ Maybe it's gonna be a short post cause there's nothing much for me to talk about . Basically i stayed at home the whole day facebook-ing and twitter-ing most of the time while waiting for Boyfriend♥ to come home . Yup , he ended school late today due to his DnT coursework and his Girlfriend♥ , Me , is stuck at home killing time . So far everything is okay . Boyfriend♥ and myself are doing fine . Boyfriend♥ is tired after coming home from school and i'll accompany him to sleep . I'll then normally really fall asleep after my pre-dawn meal , which is about 5.30am in the morning ? It depends . Sweet kan ? I know (: Self praised . And ohhhh , i've been vain lately . Heh , no harm being vain once in awhile . Ever since i dyed my hair black back , i swear i love it alot . Miss my black hair and how i realized it really looks good on me . So basically tomorrow i'll be meeting Insyirah and get my photocopied papers . And after which , later part of the day , i'll be heading down to Jurong East to meet Boyfriend♥ and this Bangla Man . Boyfriend♥ bought a Mp3 which cost him approximately $60 which is negotiable ? But what i'm looking forward to is whether his gonna stay longer and spend time with me or just go home after collecting his Mp3 . We'll see about that and i'll update it tomorrow . Well right now , my dear boy♥ is currently sleeping so soundly and i'm here watching him sleep . He is ohh-so-cute-baby sleeping . The main thing is i'm meeting Boyfriend♥ tomorrow and i am so looking forward . I wonder if i'll get any long big warm hugs and kisses . Let's wait and see , shall we ? (:

xoxo

FASTER COME , FASTER GO !

2010-08-17T02:46:00.002+08:00

HELLO ^^ Okay , picture annoying so yeahh , don't focus there . Focus on the content . Boyfriend♥ say my nose huge , i know okay baby . Don't need to remind me . Thanks to my webcam distortion emoticons , i have that picture up there . Irritating , i know . pfft -__-" Basically , i spend the whole day at home instead of library . I don't plan to visit the library these few days cause my mood swings are really bad . so yeahh . I did some research for my assignments and yup , i'm able to start it tomorrow . Hopefully will finish it by this week 'cause i plan to dilly dally my handwriting assignments . As per normal , i spend most of the time entertaining myself and i find it amusing you know (: I like , perhaps shall do it often . It's not called a no life person .. i do have a life with people in it but that's the only way i'm giving time to myself . A step by step basis of having my own sense of humor and entertainment since some people out there have yet to learn to please me and entertain me . Hey , time flies people change . I do too . Not only my friends or boyfriend . I do too . I'm kinda hard to please lately , i get annoyed or irritated sometimes , things for me will get kinda boring and yeahh , i somehow do things on my own now .

Fasting month , Hari Raya and O levels is stealing my Boyfriend♥ away from me so i gotto find a way to endure all that and of cause , have time for myself and my other friends too ? It doesn't mean i'm gonna do all these behind boyfriend's back . I mean , i will let him know my whereabouts and who i'm hanging out with . Besides , prolly i'll be working soon to kill my time doing nothing . EHH , guess what .. i have the idea of throwing away my phone or even switching it off and switching it on during weekends . Mainly because my phone is dead . As in , no text messages .. no calls . cool right ? I KNOW RIGHT (: My prepaid not flowing at all you know -__-" It's been a month or more ? HAHAHAHAHA . Totally cool shit . blah blah blah ... i'm blabbering again . Ohhhh , Boyfriend♥'s awake after sleeping for soooooo long . I lonely you know but he have to prepare Sahur for family . Then after that , he'll be going back to sleep . And boyfriend's alarm clock scary , almost gave me heart attack . Wahhh , i've been using lappy since 6pm in the afternoon yesterday till now . If mummy finds out , she's gonna screw me . Like , what have i been doing for the past 9hours or so ?? As i can remember .. Facebook , Twitter , Watch boyfriend sleeping and now blogging . YARH , that is what i've been doing . Once again , it's not that i don't have any life , i do but who the hell wanna go out in the middle of the night right ?

Did i ever mention that the conflict Boyfriend♥ and I had 2days before our 4th Month has been haunting me ? Yes it did . Started 2days back though , and that's the reason why i try to avoid sleeping .It's been haunting me now and then and i have no idea how to tell him . Just thinking of how he'll react after wards . But seriously , it's haunting me . Me no likey likey , bad dream Very bad ): But what haunts and scares me the most is when he said , " It's your fucking life , you do whatever you want . I dah malas nak amek tau " That really drains me out , seriously . I dreamt about this last night and woke up halfway thinking , maybe Boyfriend♥ really meant what he said that's why his cold towards me . Well , of cause i avoid thinking about such things but everytime i close my eyes , those harsh words starts to haunt me . Just so you know , the feeling is worst than having nightmares of ghost i swear to god it's worst . So yarh , i've been keeping quiet about this and i'm just finding the courage to let Boyfriend♥ know . What's more , Boyfriend♥ is fond of reading my blog at a inappropriate timing . Once i forgot about all these things , and he starts to read and questions me .. What am i suppose to say if i already overcome it ? So yarh .. it's still stuck in my head though and i really pray so much that all these hard times that's keeping my Boyfriend♥ away from me to go away as soon as possible . I want my Boyfriend♥ back , that's it . I'm not asking for too much , i just want him back cause i die die need him more than anything else right now . It's like , when i'm busy .. his not . And when his busy , i'm not . This suck to the core deep down below to the crust , totally big time . I know i'm complaining overly too much but i need my Boyfriend♥ . I miss him so badly . I miss everything about him . Time , please show mercy on me . I love him , i really do ):

xoxo

HYPED UP ♥

2010-08-16T01:30:00.003+08:00

Hello ^^ Okay , muka annoying so yeah , ignore please . I was back a few hours ago after going out and coming back home late , YAYNESS ! It feels good though but yeah , i feel great . I met up with Insyirah and headed to Jurong East library instead of the usual . And guess what , i saw ManPendek (ex-boyf) . Spend a little time on my assignments and that's it , GONE ! Haha . I really really enjoyed her company even though most of the time i have Boyfriend♥ stuck in my head . When two crazy girls meet , the situation is HOT HOT HEAT ^^ . Met the guys at Bugis for a last minute break fast outing and without Boyfriend♥ around again . But still , i enjoy cliques company as they were a bunch of insane yet hilarious people . After which we walked to the nearest bus-stop and bussed all the way to City Hall . Made our way to Esplanade and little did we know that there was an event going on . Hip-Hop Dance Competition was wicked . Awesomely wicked . The crews were hyped up and i swear their dance moves were killing . Not long after that , we went back home . I trained back with Insyirah and Shah . They were freaking sweet i swear (:

I planned for VL clique's outing again yesterday . Yeahh , beautiful people were asking me whether i'm planning anything during this fasting month . Well , of cause i'll think of something . Ya'll think i won't aye ? You guys are still my priorities alright no matter what . So these time , i think i text more than 20 of us ? Yup , am really psyched about the upcoming 28th . We'll be making our way all the way in the East . Welcome to East Side people (: Really really hope that many will turn up . You guys don't know how much i've been missing ya'll . What'smore i've always been missing throughout the outing either i planned or you guys did . So yarh , maybe this is to make up for all that missing in action i have put you guys through . This time i am sure i will be there alright . I asked Boyfriend♥ to tag along but i don't think he'll be able to come since he may have something on . Well , that is his only chance to know my REAL clique whom i always been talking about and hanging out with apart from my ITE clique . So by knowing or even seeing their faces , at least Boyfriend♥ would briefly understand what type of people i hang around with . They know who i am and hell yes , we know each other for years . I'm sure Boyfriend♥ would be surprised with the number of guys in my Clique . Well mainly because there's more of the dudes than the dudettes . And i can't and won't deny i have a closer bond wit the guys . So my dear boy , don't think otherwise if they are very close with me or stick by me like glue . We're like brothers and sisters from different mothers . So anyways , i really am looking forward on the 28th . Tanah Merah Interchange at 4pm and not later than 5pm . I won't be nice this time to wait longer , hehe ^^ .

And finally it comes down to this last post , I miss Boyfriend♥ . So much . Only god knows how much i do miss him . I haven't been seeing him that frequent ever since fasting month is here . The last time i met him was on a friday after coming back from Geylang ? That was for a short period though but at least i get to see his ohh-so-cute-plus-adorable looking face . I guess God is putting me through this obstacle of endurance and to be able to go through this , i need to be patient . Honestly , i do feel down every time i'm unable to see him but i can't ask for much . I just have to be patient . Futhermore , Boyfriend♥ will be busy with O levels and i can't afford to disturb him at a crucial time like that . I don't really mind if he don't pay much attention to me because i know he needs to rush in his studies . But through all these hard times , i just want him to know i am always and going to be there for him if he needs me or not . Giving him my encouragement in whatever obstacles his facing . I got you back boy , i surely have . Baby♥ , i know i haven't been showing you that i love you but deep down from the bottom of my heart , i really do . I always have been loving you . It never stops , not even once . I fall in love with you every single day , every min , every second , every hour . So yes , i am with all my heart , staying strong as ever . I know we haven't been talking to each other or spending quality time together lately but one day , i am sure that we will again . Like how it was back then . You willing to go out with me even though you had a tiring day in school and would come down all the way to Tamp just to hang out . That's really sweet , it was .

A lot of things has changed the past few months and i wish that one day , all those good times will be the same again . The old you , the old me , the old US . Yup , i miss the old us so so much . I can't and won't lie that every time i reminisce those memories , it will bring tears to me . It does , every single time . Look at us now ....... No words can describe how i really feel . But all that will never change the feelings i had for you . I miss your long big warm hugs , i miss your laughter , i miss your heart-warming smile , i miss your craps , i miss your lame jokes , i miss your craziness , i miss your passionate kisses , i miss you looking at me for very long , i miss you making me jealous with my brother , i miss you making me shy , i miss you holding my hands for very long , i miss you randomly hugging me , i miss you teasing me .... etc etc . I can list every single thing i miss about but in all , the very main thing is I MISS YOU♥ . Yes you , i miss you . So so so much . I can tell you that it will never feel the same again if things were to be they way it was . It's because things has changed between us and that's the fact . You may not realized every little thing but i do . The fact is that we can never be the old US . And the reality is i have to accept the way we are now . It's hard for me , i know . That's why i cried so badly that day when i told you how i felt , i couldn't accept the reality that is happening . I didn't manage to sleep the whole night because of it . It hurts , it's painful .That's why i have both optimistic and pessimistic thoughts . That's the reason why i have been thinking a lot . That's the reason why i feel rather insecure at some point of time . That's why i always get worried for no reason . That's why i ended up saying such things that get you ticked off . That's why i asked you questions . Even though sometimes i'm unable to read you , i still have faith about us . That's the truth , the reason behind all these . But i know it won't stop until the day i feel peace . Until the day that i feel everything is alright . All you need to know is I LOVE YOU♥ . I love you Baby♥ . I am looking forward for fasting month to be over , i'm able to hug and kiss you again . And yeahh , our 5th Month will be in a few weeks . (: With lots of love and misses .

xoxo

PUTTING BACK AGAIN .....

2010-08-14T17:19:00.006+08:00

Heyya ^^ Don't mind the picture aye , muka mintak kene pump seyy (: Hehs . So today is the 4th day of fasting month and that i'm pretty excited for Hari Raya 'cause time will fly very fast . So yeahh . Yesterday i went to apply my job at Jurong Point Golden Village with Insyirah and hopefully i'm able to get it . Headed down to Redhill to meet Shah (Insyirah's Boyfriend) and we trained all the way to Paya Lebar . Rounding around Geylang but not bad , this year's decoration very very colourful . I like . After all the walking and talking , i head down to Yishun and met Baby . Yes yes , am very very totally happy to see him . Words can't describe how i felt but even though it was only for awhile , i'm very thankful that i'm able to meet by Boyfriend after days not seeing him . And days do means alot yeahh . Now i'm stucked at home because plans today we're cocked up so yeahh . All the backing out left 2 people (Baby and Myself) and which we ended up staying at home . Well i'm heartbroken though cause i was supposed to celebrate Baby's birthday today but in the end , i'm at home now . And i'm sorry i didnt get you any presents . Im broke , i really am . What kind of a girlfriend kan ? Ikr .. Baby kinda lazy to go out and that he actually don't mind if we go out but i don't have plans after break fast . And yeahh , he asked to stay at home instead and not used the the money for today . Okay lurh , at first i feel so fucked up .. even feel like crying but since i'm fasting , i won't cause i have to stay strong . Little things do bring me down ya know and it's not good . But after awhile not thinking about it , i'm okay now . But i don't know whether he is cause the way he talks to me macam nak taknak . Guess what , the both of us are not talking right now . I'm busy blogging and i don't know what his doing now . So yeahh . Tomorrow i'll be spending my time with Insyirah , will be in the library from 1pm onwards . But she'll have to leave halfway due to meeting her family then after that she'll come and find me again . So i'll be breaking fast alone today and tomorrow . YAYNESS (: I LOVE IT . Should do it more often aye . So after that i'll be hanging around i assume , i wanna go back home late tomorrow . It's been so long since i did that . And i thought maybe , just maybe after break fast later .. i wanna head down to town just to watch fireworks . Alone maybe ? I don't know , depends . Since its the opening ceremony of YOG , why not i celebrate it too right ? Heh , but i don't know . See how , kinda lost my mood . If not , i'll start doing my assignments right after i finish eating . Options , options and more options . Time precious right ? So must choose wisely and save time . And hell yeahh i'm indecisive . okay lurh , gtg . I have much more better things to do after realising it . Going down to buy food soon . Last thing , did i ever mention i'm gonna put myself together again pieces by pieces ? Hell yeahh i'm doing that now . Like what Eminem says ," It feels like a steel knife in my windpipe. " But it's not in my windpipe , its in my heart . That is how it feels right now , thanks . I have nothing more to say aye , i have nothing more to say . Cheers . (:

YOUR DAY MY LOVE ♥

2010-08-10T23:53:00.003+08:00

To my dearest boy♥ , HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY . Your officially legal today , YAYNESS ^^ . And i'm truly truly happy for you . After all these years , it comes down to this very day that your a big boy now . I mean adult . HAHA , dah abang-abang seyy . Okay , a proper wish . HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY to you dearest♥ . May all your wishes and BIG dreams come true . Stay happy in life with your loved ones around you . All the best for your upcoming O's and i pray and wish you the best . Thanks for every little thing we've been throughout this 4months and still counting . It's been the greatest experiance and i'm looking forward for our upcoming and future monthsaries and life experiances . You've been the best i had . We'll make us work till forever and eternity . I love you so so much , i really do . Missing you always baby♥ . Once again , have a blessed birthday . Here's your birthday song ......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BABY♥ ......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU .

big big warm hugs from me , xoxo

SEXY LOVE NOT ♥

2010-08-10T14:27:00.002+08:00

Heyya ^^ Good Afternoon . Okay , i may sound wierd but i feel different today . Haha , maybe it's a good thing ? No really , i feel different . Its either the old me or new me but i feel good . Random aye ? But seriously , i'm not kidding . I feel like i'm living my life on a brand new level now . Somehow it hurts being this way . No , it does hurt . A lot and i'm dying . Okay , i admit i haven't been myself lately . No , i am not myself lately . I don't know . It hurts . That's all i feel , it hurts . so much .

BECAUSE I GOT YOU ♥

2010-08-06T18:59:00.002+08:00

Heyya everyone . It's 12am on 7August'10 , it marks the 4th Monthsary of me and my love♥ . Thank god that everything is going smoothly now between the both of us after the big fight we had two days back . Every fight we had made us stronger no matter how painful and hurtful it was , no matter how much tears had been shed but it was worthwhile . I can never ask for more because what i have now with me is more than enough to keep me going . I made a mistake , a big mistake that i learned from it . I made Baby♥ go through tough times because of my mistakes and that i couldn't bare to see him suffer anymore . It's gonna be the last time i'm making this mistake and i PROMISE that from today onwards , it will not happen again . I'm thankful to God , Baby♥ and Insyirah for giving me strength to stand back up . I'm thankful that God gave me two great souls to stick by me thru thick and thin . But i'm much more thankful to God for letting me have an Amazing boyfriend♥ who cares like a mom , scolds like a dad , have fun together like a brother , gossip and share things like a sister and love and stand by me like a bestfriend . Baby♥ , i love you so much . I really do and that won't change . HAPPY 4th MONTHSARY SAYANG♥ . THANKS FOR EVERY LITTLE THING WE'VE BEEN THRU TOGETHER BE IT HAPPY OR SAD , GOOD AND BAD TIMES . ITS YOU THAT I NEEDED TO MAKE SMALL LITTLE THINGS COMPLETE AND IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME . YOU'RE WORTH MY TIME AND LIFE AND FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU IS NEVER A MISTAKE . I LOVE YOU BABY♥ , ALWAYS WILL AND ALWAYS BEEN . I MISS YOU ^^

xoxo

I'M ALREADY GONE );

2010-08-05T15:32:00.004+08:00

I know i have to go thru all these again and again but i need to stop . The fact is that everytime we quarrel or have any misunderstandings , never fails to start from me . It's been like that the whole time . I'm really sorry for causing you so much trouble and that you unintentionally say all those hurtful words to me . I'm really sorry because i'm the caused of our fights . I can't be strong anymore no matter how much i try . I'm at the edge of falling and breaking myself apart . I hated myself for always having to make things hard on you . I loved you so much that i don't think or stand up for myself anymore . You're words is no difference to the lost of loved ones cause it's painful . It hurts . I'm afraid of you . I feel tiny , no difference than a dirt . I'm afraid of you cause you make me feel you're inferior than me . I stoop so low than you . I hated this feeling of insecurity . I'm afraid and worried about losing you .. You said to me not to worry of losing you cause if i keep going on like this , you will leave me yourself . I'm afraid of that . How i wish i could cry so badly , but i have no more tears left to shed . I'm just hanging with a broken heart which cannot be mend anymore no matter how much if things between us would be fine again . You told me to think before saying " I love you " because it's not just a word but a burden . Am i a burden to you baby ?? I'm really sorry about the album i uploaded . I really didn't know that is was very serious that the both of us would get into deep shit . You said to me this is how i show my love towards you .. and that " bullshit " you said to me , knock me off . I lost my senses after all the things you've said . I couldnt think right . All i could think of was apologising or even ending my life here , right now . You said its my fucking life and i can do whatever i want and that you don't wanna take notice about it , i felt i was being burn by you . I messed up again and 2days to our 4th month . I'm sorry for putting you all these . You don't deserve all these from me , i do . I'm really sorry . I love you too much that i can't bear the thought of waking up one day and found out that you're not there for me anymore . Baby i'm seriously sorry . Baby i'm sorry . I need you . You're the only one i have now , not anybody else . I know there's alot of things you have been keeping away from me and that you don't wanna mention it everytime i asked . Why ? Because you don't wanna hurt me even more ? When are you going to tell me all these things ? On the day when everything comes to an end and that you say it all out to me to hurt me even more ? It seems you have changed . You don't talk to me that much whenever we go online . It feels like you're being forced to entertain my childishness just to make me happy . You just go silent whenever i don't talk . It's like lately you have been keeping a distance away from me , not being clingy anymore like how you used to be . And that you're trying to avoid looking at me for so long . It's like you're not wanting to hold my hand anymore and finding ideas to let go . You don't make me feel to stay longer or even for awhile whenever i have to go home early . You never make me feel shy anymore and that you say it's public while way before you don't care where or when . I don't feel right . It feels different now around you . If you really have changed , i want the old you back . I don't know if you still love me the way you do the first time . I'm sorry for all these . Baby do your feelings fade for me ? Even a bit ? I'm really sorry for making you so mad at me that you say those things to me . Baby i'm seriously sorry if you're starting to lose hope and giving up on me . I'm really sorry baby . I made too many mistakes for the past 3months . Baby i'm sorry if you're ever liking someone else . Baby i'm sorry for hating myself this way . I need you so much . I'm sorry that after today , whenever i say " I love you " .. you think i don't mean it at all and that you asked me to think being saying . Baby i'm sorry if you're gonna leave me one day . Baby i can't bare to lose you . Baby i'm sorry . I suck at love , i totally suck at this . I'm sorry . I know saying sorry won't mean anything now cause i'm always sorry . But i'm still sorry baby . I miss you very much . But i don't know whether you will still do love me , miss me or even care and bother about me . It's killing me so much , i'm really sorry . Baby i understand if you love me less , i'm sorry . I'm truly sorry baby , please . I'm sorry );

BABY , I AM REALLY SORRY PLEASE . IM BEGGING YOU . I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER . BABY I"M SERIOUSLY SORRY . ):

HEARTBREAK .

2010-08-05T07:00:00.003+08:00

Hello . Goodmorning , i'm at home now and didn't go school . My morning turn out really bad . I quarrelled with both Mummy and Boyfriend . But i'm much more upset and heartbroken from boyfriend's quarrel . I really stoop so low . Baby i'm really really sorry for uploading the photos and lied to you about that . That was my biggest mistake , but i have the urge to upload it so i did . I didnt know that you and mostly me , will get into deep shit if i upload them . I'm really really sorry baby . It's not that i wanna lie to you for no reason but i thought for a sec that only my circles would be able to view it , not anyone else . But still , i'm sorry . I deserve this hell you gave me . I still love you the same and i dont need to think about when i say it cause i really do mean it . Baby , i'm sorry . Really sorry . Your words hurts me but i have to stay strong somehow or someway . But your words do hurt me alot , its like you ripping my chest apart and pulling out my heart . Baby im sorry that i made you really mad , i didnt do it on purpose . Baby im sorry . I love you so much . Baby , dont leave me , i'm really sorry for what i did . I don't know what to say now , i really don't . I can feel that my heart stopped for a second when i read that . Baby i'm sorry . i deserve this , not you . I'm really sorry baby . I really am . I love you .

WE'LL FLY HIGH ♥

2010-08-04T19:43:00.002+08:00

Heyya , it's the 4th day of August and you can see that many are excited about the upcoming National Day Parade . She's turning 45th this year and yeahh , HAPPY ADVANCED BIRTHDAY ^^ As for me , i'm pretty excited for this coming weekends as i will be celebrating my 4th monthsary with Babylove♥ . YAYNESS (: and also , having a sleepover party at my place with Zaiba and Insyirah . I bet it's gonna be awesome like the previous one . And on Monday , which is on 9August , will be heading out with Baby♥ and the rest to hopefully watch at least the parade and fireworks . But like fucked up cause mummy asked me to choose either to go Kenduri tomorrow or Monday . So i made up my mind to go kenduri tomorrow after meeting Baby♥ so on Monday , i could have the whole day to myself and Baby♥ and the rest . Anyways , i didn't attend school today and i missed rehearsals for Friday's Celebration . So i hope everything will turn out well with the mascot ready and that Wahidah will look good in it . I met Baby♥ today and my dear boy look so adorable when his tired . Went to get his ciggs and bought drinks , sat at the usual and talk . It was great spending time with me plus hilarious cause we actually wrestled each other at the void deck that i really lay down on the floor trying to defend myself from Baby♥ who's trying very hard to take a look at my ez-link card . HAHA , we were so funny but in the end .. he got hold of it . I left early though 'cause Baby♥ don't want me to catch the peek hours train . And now , i'm missing my dear boy very badly . Time flies so past yeah and i'm very psyched about Saturday . Hehe . Baby♥ is going to be busy soon cause he have to study intensively as his major exams are just around the corner . Wishing you all the best and praying for you that you will do absolutely well . I've got your back boy , remember that .^^ Baby♥ is feeling kinda sick and i hope his doing alright now , i'm worried actually . Ohhwell , his in good hands and i'll make sure about it that he given love , affection , care and concern from me . You name it , he got it . He will . Baby♥ , i love you so so much . I never felt this way before towards anyone except you , ONLY YOU . I love you Baby♥ , always been and always will . Muackz ^^

xoxo

COUNTING THE DAYS♥

2010-08-02T11:49:00.002+08:00

Heyya ^^ I'm currently in school now and guess what , it's already August . HAHA , that's really fast right ? So anyway , i'm done with my Autocad and waiting for us to be dismissed for lunch break so since i have the time , i'll do a short post ? Well , last Saturday i met Baby♥ and we headed to Sembawang Beach to spend some time together and afterwhich , went back Baby♥'s place 'cause he have to changed to follow me to SEXY's birthday party at her place . Condominium seyy .. heh . It was fun though despite the little crowd . Baby♥ left sooner after that with Shah , Rudy and i stayed behind . Pictures from the party is still with Small . So yeahh . Something unexpected happened that night but both Insyirah and Zaiba went back my place , SLEEPOVER ! YAYNESS (: And and it was awesomely fun . I like and we're having sleepover on 8Aug at my place . Totally excited about it . Hopefully Baby will be there too with me and i'm ohh-so missing him so so much . Ooooooooo , I love Baby♥'s new haircut too :D I'm meeting Baby♥ later and i'm really looking foward . School , please end school . 5more days to go , hehe . And 9more days to go for someone to turn legal . YAY ! Okay , gtg . Cliques are calling ^^

&& Baby♥ , i love you so much . Really do .

xoxo

-

2010-07-29T23:19:00.004+08:00

Okay , i have the urge to blog but fuck it , ignore the FUGLY expression . To be honest , i have not been myself lately . I have this weird feeling playing around in my head . I won't say it directly but will briefly explain . It's the insecure feeling that i'm totally afraid it's going to happen but I have been keeping quiet about it and to the extent that now , i can't take it any longer . I don't know what's happening now between You and Me but it feels different you know . I have a very strong feeling that something is not right now . It's more to putting on a face to hide behind it so i won't know or suspect anything ? I don't know . I shall not mention names here so figure it out . If you feel i'm talking about you and you are absolutely sure i'm talking about you , then good that you know . I'm the kind of person who keeps little things to myself and carry it everywhere with me . Mummy even scolded me for being this way 'cause it may turn into a sickness . I guess i'm becoming depressed ? I don't know but it's my blog so i'll say whatever i wanna say and let out whatever i feel . It sounds harsh and hurtful though but you need to know . I swear i don't have the courage to even face you and talk about this in person . I mean , I am okay with the fact that we talked , joke around , laugh and all but when it comes to these .. I can't do it . Typing it out is like writing on a piece of paper black and white . My heart carries this heavy load whenever i think about it which make me cry to sleep everytime . Maybe it's me , not you but i'm letting you know now that i'm afraid . I'm very afraid . I'm really afraid that if ever one day i wake up from sleep , you are not there for me any longer . I guess i'm talking way too much or too little . I don't know which one . I don't know if you forced yourself to entertain me or you sincerely doing it . I can't read you like how you sometimes can't read me . I need you badly . Your presence keeps me breathing . I hope whatever i'm saying here it's not true and that nothing is being kept away from me even the littlest thing . Give me time to keep myself in place . I don't wanna be right at the back while you're far in front in the lead . i want to be in the same pace as you . Okay , this feeling sucks . I 101% agree but I have these feeling that keeps going on and on . I wish i could express it to you but i don't know how . I'm just afraid you won't be there with me anymore . I just don't know . I seriously don't know how to say this . GOD , please help me . I seriously need to grab hold of myself and not let anything pull me down . I love you so much . I hope this feeling goes away soon , it's unbearable . I love you . I love you . And i'm sorry for being this way . I love you .

PS ; I'm so afraid of losing you

HAPPY DAYS ♥

2010-07-29T19:56:00.002+08:00

Heyya , I'm back after 2weeks ? Haha , yeah . Been very very busy though because i come home late everyday , lessons end pretty late and after which , will travel all the way to Yishun to meet Baby♥ . School's been great and i can't and won't deny that i actually love school more than home . Despite all the lectures , hot weather , sleepiness and tiredness , i manage to endure the whole stretch of long hours . And hell yeah , i'll be complaining about how fucked up my life was in school with the tensions but it was worthwhile . I've been going to school with Insyirah now and we're super close . My lesbian girlf , but don't worry Baby♥ .., i still love you more ^^ Yeah , it's been great having her around with all the jokes and laughter . She's really a great friend i will say . We shared almost the same thing and not forgetting , being there for each other throughout . I love her (: Thanks babe for everything . Studies are intensive now due to the time constraint that we have and July is coming to an end really soon . I'm having exams in September and i seriously need to do very very well . I don't wanna stay back another year in school to repeat my modules . So i really have to work extra hard . After i've graduated with my full Nitec cert , i'm gonna enroll in NAFA (Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts) or NP to further my studies in Design . See , i have the future in my hands and i am going to achieve it . Mummy agreed about me going NAFA and both my parents are willing to pay the expenses . Hehe ^^ I am lucky , truly lucky .

On the other hand , my love life is doing absolutely perfectly great . I love it so so much . I've been through a lot these few months with Baby♥ and we're reaching our 4th in a week time . Totally psyched about it ^^ After all the quarrels , misunderstanding , the tears and joys I've been through with him .., it was worthwhile . Simply the best i ever had no matter what has happen , happens , happened . I am deeply grateful to have an amazing boyfriend♥ who loves and treasure me so much . Even after all the bullshit and heartaches i put him through , he still hold on to me . And i thanked him for always being patient with me , for being there for me every single time , for making every day of my life special , for giving me chances to make myself be a better person not only for him but for myself too and also for forgiving me of all my mistakes I've made . Well , he will forgive but won't forget , right Baby♥ ? I love you boo♥ with all my heart and soul and i can never thank enough because there's too many things i wanna thanked you for . I love you very much , always been and always will . The thought of letting you go never crossed my mind 'cause if i do , I'm the biggest fool to myself . Thanks baby♥ for everything . I'm extremely happy having you by my side and it is never a mistake falling in love with you . Because i fall in love with you even more when days and nights passed by . I love Baby♥ , deeply . I miss you .

xoxo

PRECIOUSLY YOU ♥

2010-07-17T00:48:00.007+08:00

Firstly , HELLO ^^ . And secondly , Babylove♥ is gonna kill me for posting this picture . Haha, but anyway i love it the way it is . I went out with Baby♥ yesterday to Orchard . The purpose is to get his kicks but since the design suck , we plan to get another pair of kicks . Met Love at Yishun and we trained down to Somersat . Walked to Scape to Cineleisure to Heeran and to FarEast . Spend the whole day with Baby♥ and he is worth my time and life . I thanked him for making my every day so special . There's never once in my life he'll leave me alone somewhere . True enough my pictures taken with him is perfect . It looks totally good in my eyes . I can't explain my deepest feelings in gestures . And i believe there's tons and tons of reason why i love you so much every single day . You are the best one , truly . I'm so looking forward to 4month and your birthday . It's gonna be a blast ? And fasting month is around the corner too . Pretty am excited about it , heh . Okay , i think that's for now . Baby♥ needs me . I love you beautiful . Missing you more .

xoxo

BOOYA ♥

2010-07-14T23:37:00.004+08:00

Hello (: I'm back people . Heh , its been a long time , i know . Just lazy to update . That's the problem with me . Very lazy . This gonna be a short and sweet post . I miss Babylove♥ so very much and i love him . Hell yeah i do . So anyways , school's been fine apart from the unsolved conflicts between my clique . I shall not elaborate . I've been hanging out with Aishah and the rest and i didn't know we all have alot of things in common . Timetable is a killing thrill though but i'm able to manage with studies despite surfing the net in class . Haha . I'm looking forward for tomorrow and the days to come with Baby . His birthday coming soon . I'm planning something for his 18th birthday (: YAYNESS ^^ I love you baby♥ . so so much .

&& to MiraSherman Babe , Cheeer up aye . Things will get better (:

xoxo

ALL OVER AGAIN .

2010-07-10T15:39:00.002+08:00

Hello . Am suppose to go out with Baby but we're having misunderstandings again after a day or two being okay . Only met him 2days in a week and its totally killing me . I ruined everything and im trying so hard not to let myself down but i did and im doing it again . i dissapoint Baby and his not happy about it . I know . I felt like i was being shot in the head when he said he felt i treated him like a dog . It hurts so much when he said that to me straight in my face . Baby said he dont have the mood to go out but i feel thatt he dont want to see me just to not get even upset . I'm a bigtime fucker , am i ? Now baby is like being so cold towards me . If only the money was in my hands right now , these won't be happening . Mummy is right . When things get better , somehow everything is gonna fall apart again . EVEN WORSE . I didnt want to listen to her but i have to somehow , she's my mum . But the words Baby said lingers thru my ears everytime , " I'm like treated like a dog ". It hurts , so much . the pain is unbareable .. He won't even allow me to go Yishun and see him . Even for awhile . And that for awhile is such a waste of time . I'm controlling myself to not think negative . To be honest , i even had the thought of going to the kitchen and stab myself to death . Baby don't know about it but once he reads this we will . Fuck me for being this way . That's why i hated myself . I've not eaten yet and i dont have the mood to . I lost my appetite now . I know Baby is very very dissapointed and why the hell he says i don't even know . for goodness sake , i'm your girlfriend . I know how you feel . i'm sorry for being stubborn and i'm sorry i ruin today . But no point apologizing right ?? I guess so . Hais .... GOD , PLEASE HELP ME . MAKE ME STRONGER EACH DAY AND SOFTEN HIS HEART FOR ME . I LOVE HIM SO MUCH .I REALLY DO . AND I MISS HIM SO SO FUCKING MUCH . GOD , PLEASE HELP ME . Baby im sorry , again .

xoxo

I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY ANY LONGER ):

2010-07-05T21:21:00.003+08:00

Hello . No introduction for this cause i don't have any idea what to say . My heart is aching . So so much but i don't know how to put it in words . I really wish i could cry right now but my heart is dying . I've been crying inside eversince school ended just now . It feels so different now , totally different . I don't know who change but it's not like what it used to be . We seem to be in our own worlds at home and it was our world when we're face to face . I don't know what to say about this but i'm really aching . Baby won't say a word to me . Its like when i keep quiet , he'll do the same too . Wanna know what our daily routine now ? Meet each other , go home , our own world , he youtube-ing or watching movie , me thinking so hard and hurting myself even more , time past midnight , he doze off , i go to bed . It's been like that lately . Maybe its my fault that all these happens but i don't have any clue what i did or say wrong . We'll just say a few words to each other , ask random questions and that's it . Back to our own things . I didn't meet baby today cause he insisted me to go home since it's late . and i got my time-table for the semester . It end so late that i can't meet Baby everyday like i used to . Its more to only Thursdays-Saturdays we will get to see each other . We don't usually meet on Sundays cause we out it aside for our family members . It's getting really hard on me i swear . I got home late after heading to JP with Insyirah to get things for his monthsary gift . I went online the moment i got home , apologise to him and all i get was , " nevermind . " It's so not us you know , i swear . its hurting me alot , i swear . Maybe it's my fault again . I just don't know . Please God help me . Make me stronger ... I'm not strong anymore . I'm seriously weak inside out . Please God give me the strength to go thru this without giving up . I can't take another day like this anymore , i can't . Baby never ask how's my day , have i eaten , have i been behaving in school , any interesting things happen in school , anything like that .... He never asked me anymore . I'm just worried . I will thing about alot of things that isn't true , i hope , whenever im worried sick . I'm gonna spend most of my time with Insyirah babe if these continues . She needs me cause Shah and herself are hanging on the strings . 5days more for them for their 3rd Month . And us ?? 2days left ...... ): And it's like nothing . I know i've been delaying Baby's 2nd monthsary gift which we're suppose to get it today . But ..., i don't know . i really don't know . Dear God , please please help me . I want my Baby back so badly . I really do . And yarh , don't ask me . I've been keeping alot to myself , its getting heavier each day i swear . hais .... I can;t bare the pain no more . I really can't . I''m sorry for crying . i love you alot . i always do . I miss you fucking badly . muackz

xoxo

FVCKTARD ♥

2010-07-05T00:14:00.003+08:00

Heyya . It's finally Monday and i'm going to school in a few hours time . Mummy has been bugging me to sleep but i know i can't . Well of course i have to wake up at 5.30am in the morning where Baby♥ would still be sleeping peacefully . But i'm excited for school and what's more i could sleep in the train , right ? Going to school with Insyirah later and i'm so looking forward to it . Anyways , something just happen which made me break down and Baby♥ very mad . Mummy told me something today and i cried because i can't accept it . Really . Talking about me won't bring you any good cause i only know the truth not anyone else . It's been going on and Mummy asked me to keep quite about it cause she herself is waiting to blow her top off . And as for me , i'm just waiting for the right time to shoot her . Baby♥'s mad cause i won't let him do anything . Mummy said is better if the two of us didn't do anything . Let people talk all they want because they'll get tired of it and stop . I've cried 2times because of this . I cried infront of Baby♥ . I feel stupid crying because of these small little things . But these small little things bring me down pieces by pieces . I may not be strong like i used to be but i'm not as weak as anyone thinks i am . Baby♥ i'm totally sorry for breaking down and get you upset because of me . I really am . I just need you by my side now , to make me feel better . That's all i'm asking for . I love you very much , i really really do . Am i totally looking forward to see you later on . 2days to go . I love you beautiful , always been and always will . I freaking miss you damn much .

xoxo

THE LAST ? ♥

2010-07-04T01:25:00.003+08:00

Heyya ! Will make this post short and sweet alright ? ECLIPSE IS AWESOME !!!!!!!!!! Dead shit awesome . Watched it yesterday together with Baby♥ , KamalRudeboy , Amalina , Kammy and Kit . Its more to a triple date actually and i liked it . I love going triple or double dates or whatever . Seriously . But most of all which matters most to me is that i'm able to spend the whole day with Baby♥ . My days would always be the best with Baby♥ around . Thanks Baby♥ for making my day today and every day of my life special . I love everything about it . After movie , went to meet RudeMates and afterwhich headed to Cityhall together with Bro to drink . Sadly Kammy and Kit didn't join us . I got myself tipsy and by the look on Baby♥'s face , his worried . Maybe it will be the last time i drink ? NO , it won't happen (: Left the rest behind cause Baby♥ and myself we're freaking late . And on the way back , i think i kinda talk crap ? Cause Baby♥ keep emphasizing that i'm drunk . Which i deny of course . His been looking after me on the way back and tell me what to do when i got back home . I swear i regretted coming home cause mummy screwed me for going home so late . Guess what , i reached home at 1am just now ? The moment i reached Jurong East , there's no more train left to go back to Pioneer . So no choice i got to take the cab home and i swear i don't have any cash with me . Mummy got to help me so she paid for my cab fare and we went home and she , not saying anything to me . I had my bath , drank orange juice to make me feel better and now i'm online . Which Baby♥ would have been waiting for me for so long . I guess he fell asleep ?? I don't know . Gonna wait till he nudge me . and GOD , i'm really okay now . Don't worry alright ? I'm well taken care of . Okay , gtg . Waiting for Baby♥ . Baby♥ , i love you . And i miss you effing much . Muackz .

xoxo

PS ; Taylor Lautner is FVCKING HOT !!!!!

I KNOW I GOT YOU ♥

2010-07-03T02:53:00.004+08:00

Heyya . Its an early Saturday morning at 3am . I can't sleep , really can't sleep but Baby♥ is currently sleeping cause he need his rest . Babylove♥ is sick and his not feeling very well . I understand Baby♥ , no need for sorries okay ? You need plenty of sleep too cause the both of us have been sleeping really late . Am going out later and i'm still thinking what to wear . Anyway , will be going with Baby♥ . Meeting him after his tuition and before heading off , get my Kebab . Been craving for it . Well , i've been craving alot . Ask Baby♥ , he knows . Baby♥ , can i cry ? I want to cry . I want to cry because you've always been there for me every single time despite my childish-ness and craps . There's a million of reason i want to cry about . But like you said , " Never fear Fai is here " it makes me wanna cry even more . See ... told ya i'm being very emotional . Nature lurh people (: Must understand , we humans with feelings . Not saying i'm a crybaby crying about little things . Its a good thing actually . I'm in love with the song in my playlist . Three cheers for five years by Mayday Parade . Here's the lyrics :

"Three Cheers For Five Years"

I swear that you don't have to go
I thought we could wait for the fireworks
I thought we could wait for the snow
To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt
I thought I could live in your arms
And spend every moment I had with you
Stay up all night with the stars
Confess all the faith that I had in you

Too late, I'm sure and lonely
Another night, another dream wasted on you
Just be here now against me
You know the words so sing along for me baby
For heaven's sake I know you're sorry
But you won't stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know I'm dying
With my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced
And if I died right now you'd never be the same

I thought with a month of apart
Together would find us an opening
And moonlight would provide the spark
And that I would stumble across the key
Or break down the door to your heart
Forever could see us not you and me
And you'd help me out of the dark
And I'd give my heart as an offering
Too late, I'm sure and lonely
Another night, another dream wasted on you
Just be here now against me
You know the words so sing along for me, baby
For heaven's sake I know you're sorry
But you won't stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know I'm dying
With my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced
And if I died right now you'd never be the same

And I will always remember you as you are right now to me
And I will always remember now

Sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side
Sleep alone tonight

How does he feel, how does he kiss
How does he taste while he's on your lips
How does he feel, how does he kiss
How does he taste while he's on your lips
How does he feel, how does he kiss
How does he taste while he's on your lips
How does he feel, how does he kiss

I can't forget you
I know you want me to want you
I want to
But I can't forgive you
So when this is over don't blow your composure baby
I can't forgive you
I know you want me to want you I want to
But I can't forgive you
So when this is over don't blow your composure baby
I can't forgive you
I know you want me to want you I want to

xoxo

MIXED FEELINGS ♥

2010-07-02T23:32:00.003+08:00

Hello (: Another post for today . I have this urge to blog but nothing comes out of my mind . Well , it's all about me right ? I can't and won't deny i'm having mixed feelings lately . My appetite to eat change drastically . I may not have the appetite to eat but in the middle of the night , i'll search for food like a rat . I've been very emotional too without being notice . Not even Baby♥ . I guess i've been thinking a lot though . Every little thing that cross my mind can get me all emotional and i will seriously feel like breaking down . I've constantly saying " I love you " to Baby♥ and that makes the tears drop . It just happen but Baby♥ didn't know about it . I guess i'm fine ? I'm not sure about it . I don't know . But i'm sure i'm alright . And i got this in my head lately .... I'm seriously scared of losing Baby♥ . I seriously do . I don't wish for it to happen . I wish it won't . I'm just scared , totally scared . Hais ... ): I got to cheer myself up . Not letting my thoughts and emotions take control of my being . Have to stay strong . I wish i could be strong ): I really don't know . I wanna talk about this with Baby♥ but everytime i tried to talk about this , something within me is stopping me . I hope i can go thru this . Baby♥ , i love you . So very much . I always been loving you and always will be loving you . 5days away from our 3rd Monthsary . Gtg now , takecare .

xoxo

BABY ITS YOU ♥

2010-07-02T17:09:00.003+08:00

Booya ! Haha , hello everyone . How are you today ? I'm great , thank you . Well , I'm gonna spend time at home today since i ain't meeting Baby♥ . His going out soon with his mum , having dinner . Have fun later yeah love . I woke up pretty late , as always . And you know what , THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY . YAYness (: Well , Babylove♥ is falling sick and i hope he gets well soon . I really do . Am going out with Baby♥ tomorrow , together with my Fantastic 4 . Having triple date , kinda excited though . Heh . I don't know what to wear !!! So yesterday , i met Baby♥even though we have limited time by our side . Bought Ramly Burger for the both of us and went to get cereals and milk for Baby♥ since his craving for it . ^^ Awesomely adorable . Today's outing with Beautiful People was also cancelled since most of them were having Orals in the afternoon . Good luck for that . In the meantime , I'm watching A Blood Pledge movie in YouTube so i would not waste my money to the cinema to watch it . I totally am excited for tomorrow . Looking forward . Going to meet Baby♥ first before heading down to Douby Ghaut to meet the rest . School's starting on Monday , can't wait . Okay , i gtg . Baby♥'s calling . I love you beautiful . Miss you truck loads . muackz . *winks*

xoxo

BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ; My other half ♥

2010-07-01T16:52:00.009+08:00

Let's see were shall i start .

4years of Secondary School life ended so fast without any of us realizing . Its like yesterday we first came in and today , everything has come to an end . But 4years is never a waste to every single one of us . Agreed ? because ever single moment within that 4years changed our life and really leaves a great impact on us . My friends are my other half , really . All of us go through hardship together . Be it good or bad , happy or sad . It's natural . Every Single one of us grew up together . And the whole of us used to be from different classes but that doesnt matter . Its saddening that we have to go on our seperate ways now but 4years of friendship would not stop us all from going apart . We are all going to miss everything about everyone . From going Bowling on every thursday , going out on weekends , going to the toilet without exitpass , gossiping during lessons , having misunderstandings between one another , going jurong library after school , waiting for more than an hour at clementi MRT , slacking at the void-decks , singing during malay lessons , using handphones without getting caught , having picnic in class .. etc etc and our all time favourite .. LEPAK-ING AT MARKET .

I wish i could do this every single day and i swear i wont get bored of it . Well , most of the outings were planned by me which really get all of us together . From watching movies esp horror and thriller ones where Fitriah would always scream her lungs out and occupying the whole row . Dalila and rudy will be laughing including eating kuih in the cinema :D , hanging around at Marina Square arcade where Muz would challenge me in Virtual tennis and the guys playing Soccer , seeing Natasha doing her moves with the Parapara machine . Fazli , Ridzuan and a few others with their Pool . Camwhoring at Memorial or Esplanade . Going sentosa together . Looking after Ruby when she was drunk . Ilya and Indah wanting to be the camerawomen . Putera doing his recording . Liana and Adelina having the time of their life during Viking . Azra and Amalina happy singing away . Watching Herman score his Victory Goal for the finals against SAFFC . Khalid with his jokes . Many little things that leaves a significant memory to us .

The main thing is having these whole bunch of people is very grateful . Because we are the BOMB that makes everything perfect for each other . Having to stick by each other's side , being a listening year , helping one another whenever there's problems , consoling one another , cheering each of us up whenever we are down , supporting and encouraging each other . We all know how much we loved each other that really unite our hearts together . Well , 4years is not going to end here cause 4years will continue counting .... All of us are winners and all of us achieved our goals . So all the best for your future endeavous and remember to love ,care and share (: iloveyouguysverymuch♥

All FOR ONE , ONE FOR ALL♥

BACK ♥

2010-06-30T00:17:00.005+08:00

Hello people (: I'm back an hour ago after meeting Baby . Me likey likey . Cause Baby♥ today SIZZLING HOT , yes he is . Baby♥ will be reading this , don't deny okay love ? So i left home around 6plus after he woke up from his nap . Trained all the way to Yishun and meet Baby♥ at his place . I thought i saw Small at the badminton court nearby but i think i got the wrong person . Haha , waited for Baby♥ to come down then we went to get drinks .. Sat around and talk-talk . And afterwhich , went back to Lovepad ^^ . Stayed for awhile then around 10pm i left . Quite tiring though but i enjoy every sec with Baby♥ . Who wouldn't have fun with their loved ones around , right ? I know . Reached home , went online and Baby♥ was already waiting for me . Cook for myself and now , here i am blogging and webcamming with Baby♥ . The both of us are watching movies online but i'm sticking to my Youtube . I aim to finish my episodes of Jigoku Shoujo prolly by tonight or tomorrow . Baby♥ will be busy too this few months preparing for major exams and me ? Waiting for time to fly ..... I'm just totally excited about school and mostly Saturday . Last enjoyment and that's it . Concentrate . I can manage with that but i don't need to be worried cause i have Baby♥'s support . Right love ? Okay , i miss Baby♥ freaking loads . Am seeing him tomorrow too , spending quality time with him ^^ gtg , Baby♥ needs me . I love you beautiful .

xoxo

♥

2010-06-29T17:35:00.003+08:00

Good afternoon people (: Hehe , how are you feeling today ? I'm great as always . How's second day of school ? Sucks i guess ? Ohhwell , its school right ? Can't do anything but to endure for the next few months before major holiday starts . For those out there who's taking their O's and N's this year , STUDY HARD . GET IT DONE AND OVER WITH . And right after your last paper , go out and party yeah (: Work extra hard for this two months alright people ?? Well , its gonna be my last week of enjoyment before stress semester comes into my schedule . Have to be smart to divide time for Baby♥ , studies and myself . Baby♥ , study hard for O's okay ? Must pass with flying colors . I'm a few days away from school and I'm actually excited . Well , i only have classes for 4days during the upcoming semester . COOL RIGHT ? I know (: SO yesterday , i met Baby♥ together with Rude . He tag along with us and yeah , fun lurh . As always , Baby♥ and i will never fail to be playful towards each other . I was kinda nervous meeting Baby♥ and for god sake , i don't know why . Maybe because i haven't seen him for the past few days when his away . And I'm totally excited about Saturday . Woohoo !! Going out with Baby♥ and my Fantastic 4 . Drinking and sheesha-ing on that day too . Can't wait :D Well right now , Baby♥ is taking his nap cause his dead tired and my poor boy is aching all over . Anyway , will be dropping by Baby♥'s place to meet him . YAYNESS ! and ohh , Luqman's birthday is coming . That Sleeping beauty is getting OLD . Nyahahaha :D Okay , gtg . Baby♥ , i love you .

xoxo

ALONE ♥

2010-06-27T15:38:00.002+08:00

Heyya (: How are you doing today ? I'm fine but it will be better if Baby's around . Last night , i spend the whole night outside with family , Kammy's family and Daddy's friends . Went adventure but in the end , it didn't turn out right . As usual , things will always get cocky in between and plans will always get messed up . So before heading home , went Changi Village for early breakfast . Had egg Prata and hot Milo for myself . I was wide awake the whole time . Kept thinking about Baby too whether his back or not since i'm not at home . Reached at 5am in the morning and i doze off the moment i lay on my bed . Comfy Comfy :D Well , woke up at 2pm and i was actually suppose to meet Baby but since his not back , i'll be staying at home waiting . Martin called asking me to meet him but i told him i ain't free today . My left leg is aching so badly that i can't walk that much . Been laying down since just now . I'm bored , really bored . I don't have any idea what to do . I need Baby so badly . I miss him . And ohh , things between Kammy and her love is kinda rocky these days . I wonder what happen , just being concern towards her . Haiyaa , i'm so blank right now . Faiz , i miss you so much ): I love you even more .

xoxo

& I almost forgot .... Matrep , HAPPY 24th BIRTHDAY . May all your wishes and BIG dreams come true . Stay happy with family and friends . Thanks for every little thing we've gone thru in the past . I appreciate it . Have a blessed birthday big boy (:

LATE NIGHT DREAMS ♥

2010-06-26T04:17:00.004+08:00

Goodmorning (: Yes indeed i know i should be asleep at this hour but i'm wide awake . I can't sleep cause Baby♥'s on my mind the whole time . I miss him . His coming home today but i'm not sure what time he'll be back . Hopefully soon . Its been a week since i update ? Yup , ever since i came back from Indon .. I didn't have the time to do so . My late night is incomplete without Baby♥ . I've been spending the past 2months 2weeks and 5days with him . Only him . Isn't it amazing ? Reading my past few years post about me falling in love with each guy i could write about and it ended up to be a disaster . And right now , from the very first post i've been writing about this very one guy whom i'm completely obsessed with . Completely in love with , completely head over heels with . It really feels so good by his side . What makes me happy ? His dedication , his patience , his devotion , his heart , his kisses , his voice , his hugs , his laugher , his talent , his warmth , his smile , his friendship , his companionship , his kindness , his love , his everything . My world , YOU♥ . I never regretted once in my life going thru all the bullshit i have been . Because i know it comes to that very day i know him , my life would changed . It totally did and i'm totally loving it . For that 2months 2weeks and 5days , i've been loving every second of my life spending it with Baby♥ . I really do . I love you beautiful , always been and always will be ♥. muackz .

xoxo

SAY GOODBYE ♥

2010-06-19T01:15:00.004+08:00

Hello . Its 1.20am in the morning on a Saturday and i can't seem to sleep . My thoughts is fulled of Baby♥ . I miss him very badly already . I have to wake up at 5am later on and pack last min things . What a day . I hope the trip will be enjoyable , i hope . It feels so different without Baby♥ . Well , i'm gonna get him gifts . And i can't wait to get back . Maybe i shall not sleep , will sleep ontheway to Indonesia . Okay , bye . Keep the tags coming yeahh (: I will have a safe trip people , ya'll takecare alright ?

xoxo

I LOVE TODAY , I LOVE YOU ♥

2010-06-18T23:00:00.003+08:00

Heyya (: How are you today ? I'm great , thank you . I had a very awesome , wonderful , memorable and worthwhile experience today . As usual , i meet Baby♥ at his place today and headed for lunch since his very hungry . I didn't ate with him as i already had my meal beforehand . Just in time Baby♥ came down the moment i reached , hugged him and without hesitation make our way to the coffee shop . As always , when we sat at our usual table .. the drink stall uncle will be ready to serve us with our prepared drinks and all we got to do is pay . Am i right Baby♥ ? Hehe . Well , since Baby♥ went to school today .. he has a lot of story to share with me . Me on the other hand will be listening to him while watching him eat . I love to watch him eat , very tempting you know . After his done , bought Bubble-tea and sat around the void deck waiting for time to fly . I spend time with him though , laughing . He suggested to go cycling with me and i was up for it . So he went up to get the bikes and when he reached , we quickly took off . I was actually wondering where he wanna take me to since i tailed him . At first , went to bicycle shop to pump the tires then we cycle and cycle and guess where he brought me ..... To Yishun Dam . Sweet kan ? I know , superbly uberly sweet . He also mention that i'm the first girl he brought to that place . And the last time he been there was sec2 , i think ? Isit Baby♥ ? Nevermind ... its still sweeet . I like the view from that place , very calm . But i love it more when he brought me to this place near Khatib . I forgot what that place called . AHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!! I've always wanted to go there with him and spend quality time together at a peaceful environment with Nature surrounding us . It was beautiful plus amazing eapecially with Baby♥ by my side . It was a dream come true being able to go there with the one and only person i love the most . Despite the weather and mosquito bites , it was worthwhile . Honestly ... Fvcking romantic . Me likey likey so so very much . That's my Boyfriend♥ , the sweetest . And Baby♥ is ohh-so-adorable and mouth watering . (: I totally love today and will keep this memories deep in my heart . We cycled back from Khatib to Yishun and afterwhich , i went home . Baby♥'s at his Aunt's place now . And his currently texting me using his sister's phone . Haiyaaaaaa ..., I miss Baby♥ so very badly . I wish he was here beside me right now so i could cuddle him tightly . I love you Baby♥ , i really do . *mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm* muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz

xoxo

AT LAST ♥

2010-06-18T00:49:00.003+08:00

Heyya (: How are you people today ? I'm great , thankyou . OHH , i love yesterday . I was at Baby♥'s place spending time with and did i mention that i was late AGAIN ??! GOD . was suppose to be there at 2pm or earlier but i have to sent cousins home and i actually waited for a bus that doesn't exist . Paiseyy seyy . So i roughly reached at 2.50pm and i swear i was rushing . Guess what , Baby♥ was already there waiting for me . And and he look so adorable with his sad face. Afterwhich , proceed to the normal coffeeshop to have our lunch and headed back to Love Pad . Spend very quality time with him . I just love today very much . It was Awesome !!!! I wish everyday was like today . Thank you Baby♥ for making my days a memorable one . I'm unable to meet Baby♥ later since he got school and that his heading down to his Aunt's place . I'm ohh-so-gonna miss him very much . Well , i'm already missing him so much right now . What'smore , i'm going Indon tomorrow . Coming back on Monday . Soooo long you know ): 3Days like 3freaking long years . Kammy Babe knows what i'm talking about . She's gonna leave Ahkit behind too . The newly born couple . haha . okok , i want to talk to Baby♥ . He cry just now ): Baby♥ , i love you many many .

ME : xoxo

HIM : Absolute Vodka Jack Daniel Jim Beam .

ME : *smiling*

See , he is uberly adorable . I can't resist him . GRRRR :D

SMILEY WIDE ♥

2010-06-16T19:04:00.002+08:00

Heyya (: how are you people ? I'm fine , thankyou . Well , this gonna be a quick post since i'm at Baby's place and that connection at home is being a bitch so might as well i do it fast ad quick , right ? Anyways , everything's fine now and i'm getting better . I love Baby very much and only god knows how big it is . And OHH , Baby sleep soooo super cute (: teehee . i nak bring home can ? I think i'm going home soon i guess . READ THIS :

ME : I love Baby very much and only god knows how big it is .
HIM : What's big ?? (smiling)
ME : HAHAHAHHAHAHAH .

Ohh , i wont be in Singapore on Saturday onwards . Will be in Indonesia with family . Having holiday trip i guess ? Same resort and such and i'm going to share the room with Kammy plus another girl , which i don't know . Mummy say its Uncle Adi's daughter . Hope it wont be awkward . Okay , gtg . Baby needs me . BYE :D

xoxo

Its me .

2010-06-15T19:59:00.005+08:00

Baby♥ , i'm sorry . for everything . i'm sorry from the day i met you till today . i'm sorry if it was a mistake falling in love with me . im sorry that im not the one anymore . im sorry im not your best . im sorry im not your amazing girlfriend any longer . im sorry that you trusted me . im sorry that you believed me . im sorry you gave me chances . im sorry for hurting you . im sorry for killing you . im sorry for tearing us apart . im sorry that you wont stop , turn back and wait for me anymore . im sorry for making you upset . im sorry for dissapointing you . im sorry that i've changed . im sorry that you cant be happy with me . im sorry for not making you happy . im sorry that you're not happy . im sorry for our first quarrel . im sorry that it happen . im sorry for the misunderstandings . im sorry im at fault . im sorry for always being sorry . im sorry if i havent been keeping my promises and vows to you . im sorry for making you feel all alone . im sorry for quarreling with you on our 1st month . im sorry for screwing up our 2nd month . im sorry for messing up our dates . im sorry for making you say not to contact you anymore . im sorry i got you irritated . im sorry im very childish , immature and annoying . im sorry i cant talk . im sorry im so weak . im sorry that youre unable to look me in the eye anymore . im sorry for being sacarstic . im sorry im mean . im sorry for being such a pain . im sorry you hate repeating yourself to me . im sorry i cried . im sorry i cried while typing all this out . im sorry i cant keep the pain anymore . im sorry i touture myself for doing this to you . im sorry i cry when i thought of you . im sorry i keep my tears away whenever you're infront of me . im sorry for all my mistakes . im sorry that you always forgive me . im sorry for being a stucked-up bitch . im sorry that you have to pretend infront of me that you're okay . im sorry you cant tell me what you feel . im sorry we stop having any heart to heart conversations . im sorry for being a jerk . im sorry for being a bigtime fucker . im sorry i make you feel cheated . im sorry that youre cold towards me . im sorry for being shy . im sorry that you asked me to think thru whether to leave you or not . im sorry you love me very much . im sorry for troubling you . im sorry for being a mess . im sorry youre worried for me . im sorry you lied to your mum just to go out with me . im sorry im your first priority . im sorry you miss me . im sorry im the biggest mistake . im sorry you threatened me . im sorry i cant hate you . im sorry i dont have the heart to hate you . im sorry for being so harsh towards you . im sorry if your love towards me faded . im sorry if you cheat on me . im sorry that you gave up on me . im sorry that you cant be patient with me . im sorry for being naive . im sorry im unable to tell you how i feel or think . im sorry you cant read me . im sorry for being an idiot . im sorry for not taking initiative . im sorry if ever you cant be bothered with me . im sorry we're in this situation right now . im sorry that we're unable to go thru this together . im sorry for not being strong . im sorry im afraid of you . im sorry im okay instead of great . im sorry for being miserable . im sorry for being a burden . im sorry you believe in karma . im sorry that karma is a bitch . im sorry for being so stubborn . im sorry im difficult to handle . im sorry im unable to explain myself . im sorry im unable to tell you all this infront of you . im sorry i didnt hug you . im sorry i didnt kiss you . im sorry its hard for me to see you leave me alone . im sorry i tear myself apart . im sorry i cant put myself together again . im sorry i cant forgive myself . im sorry you cant forgive me now . im sorry you love me very much . im sorry for everything . im torn apart , i really do . im killing myself more than i kill you . im not as strong as before but when your right there beside me , im stronger . when you're not there , i lost myself . Its like i lost you . i cant and i wont forgive myself . we're hanging on the strings and im really trying so hard not to make it snap . i love you everysec , everymin , everyhour , everyday and will continue and always will love you . nothing will be able to stop me from loving and losing you . i dont know or will not know how long will all this contibue and for you to be really in good terms with me again like before . i seriously dont know but i'll pray for the best . i'll show you that i can be better than what i am now . Baby♥ , im sorry im making this very hard on you . im really sorry . i love you very much , i really do .

muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz *mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*

with love ,

me .

xoxo

TEE-HEE ♥

2010-06-10T01:13:00.002+08:00

The gift Baby♥ bought me on our 2ndMonth .

Heyya (: How are you people doing today ? I'm fine thankyou . heh . Okay , i know this is late but i can't sleep so here i am blogging . I deleted the previous post because i dont feel good about it ? I don't know . Well anyway , I went to see my new home yesterday . Baby♥ tagged along with me too . Waited for him at Jurong Interchange and i swear i was worried , scared that he'll be lost in the crowd and won't be able to find me . It was super crowded even at 3pm . So waited and Baby♥ came , trained all the way to Pioneer and bus-ed to my area . He say very sunyi , me like quiet places . Imagine all the residents turn into zombies , can play Left for Dead already .., in singapore . Haha , okay lame . Anyways , reached my place .. went up to see parents plus new home . And i love my room !! SO YELLOW :D went back down again to eat lunch with Baby♥ and packed food for the rest at home since they haven't eat yet . And ohh , Baby♥ met my parents already . Heh , he shy lurh . But my parents like him , woohoo ! It's a good sign . Like usual , we just slack around and afterwhich , went back Yishun with Baby♥ instead of following the rest to the hospital to visit Aunty . She should be discharged today , i assume . I had fun today even it was just going to my place , as long as i have Baby♥ by my side .. i'm more than happy . It means the world to me to have him , i swear .
Did i mention it's Mummy's birthday today ?? HAHA . HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY . I LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS DO . THANKYOU FOR ALL THE LOVE , CARE AND CONCERN AND LOOKING AFTER ME FOR THE PAST 17YEARS . I MAY NOT BE THE BEST DAUGHTER IN THE WORLD BUT I KNOW I'M THE ONE THAT WILL STAY IN YOUR HEART FOREVER . HAPPY BIRTHDAY , I LOVE YOU .
I'm heading to new home and help to unpacked and stuff and afterwhich , celebrate Mummy's birthday . This means i won't be able to see Baby♥ :( I want him to tag along though . But i'll be going out with him this weekend . Gonna have him all by myself without Lil'Rascal along . On friday , i won't be going Azzura with cliques either . I have alot of things on my schedule . Hopefully will club on the 14th with Baby♥ , Zaiba and the rest . Hopefully , can't promise . Early reminder , i won't be in singapore next week . On the 19th-21th , going Indonesia . Its a must to go ;( I'm so gonna cry so badly . Okay , i'm done . Bye .

Baby♥ , i love you . xoxo

ACHING ♥

2010-06-04T22:11:00.000+08:00

Heyya (: How's your day today ? My day is fine but with Baby♥ around , it will be better . Since i went out with Parents today , i didn't get a chance to meet Baby♥ and spend time with him . A day without him feels so different because i'm so used to having him by my side the entire time . And right now i'm aching so much that his not around . Make me stronger can ? Please ? It's killing me so bad ): I spend most of the day with Parents doing shopping without my Brothers tagging . And only i wished Baby♥ was there with me too today . Both Mummy and Daddy wouldn't mind if Baby♥ tag along with us . I won't elaborate on the shopping because there's nothing i could talk about . Only bought a few pairs of clothings from New Look . That's it after a long day outside , we went home . Baby♥ was on my mind the whole time and i cant stop thinking about what's he doing , have he eaten , is he okay , where he be , so on and so forth . Somehow i regretted going out today and not spending a day with him eventhough we're going out tomorrow . Not forgetting , 2nd month is around the corner . I reached at 7.30pm today and hoping he would go online , waiting for me . But his not . The feeling is dragging me and i'm very worried . I seriously don't know what to do . All i could do is wait .I dont know ): I need him , i need Baby♥ , i need FAI♥ so very much . i miss you beautiful , i really do . Wherever you are , near or far .. i'll be here and always will . i love you Baby♥ .

xoxo

ME LIKEY ♥

2010-06-02T23:13:00.002+08:00

Heyya (: I'm bored plus literally lonely . Because Lil'Rascal is like taking Baby♥ away from me . Haiyaa ): Nevermind .. i'm okay . Yesterday , i broke down infront of Baby♥ . It was kinda embarassing crying infront of him because of a stupid reason . But he told me to let it all out cause it makes me feel better . Thanks Baby♥ for comforting and being there for me . Today , i didn't went school as usual . And guess what , Botak cancelled class for tomorrow and friday . YAYness ! Can spend more time with Baby♥ and not forgetting , Lil'Rascal is tagging along on Saturday . Hah , mainly because he wants to see Baby♥ . Baby♥ kan famous *winks* . Okok , won't keep the both of them waiting . Sorry for interupting . Baby♥ , i love you .

xoxo

TO BE OR NOT TO ♥

2010-06-01T20:38:00.002+08:00

Heyya (: I'm currently home after meeting Baby♥ today . And i'm online while waiting for him . I don't know his whereabouts and kinda worried because usually he will already be online . Well , thanks Fit Babe for accompanying me while i was ontheway to meet Baby♥ . She called me and we talked about alot of things , its been so long since we have a long conversation . Abang is going NS soon and maybe will meet him first before going in . Saffirin called me just now too ontheway back after he went missing . Got to know he was release from lockup after 3weeks being inside and soon , his leaving for NS too . I didnt went school today and i dont intend to attend school tomorrow . Will be meeting Baby♥ then . I have nothing much to say right now . Baby♥'s online , gtg .

xoxo

GET IT DONE ♥

2010-05-31T22:57:00.002+08:00

Heyya (: It's MONDAY finally ... phew . Am counting down the days to semester break since i did my first and last paper today . Honestly , i can't wait for holidays to start eventhough Botak is gonna give us holiday assignments . We're in his class and there's no such thing as Holiday . Our real holidays is when we'rea few months to graduation which is next year . Yarh , i know . Very fvcked up but since we're in these industry , gotto endure everything especially critics . So anyways , i met Baby♥ after school and had lunch with him . Me likey likey :D You know i know people dont know thang , haha . Actually , i don't know what to write about . running out of ideas . I MISS BABY♥ LUHH ............... ):

xoxo

LA LA LA LA ♥

2010-05-28T12:47:00.003+08:00

Heyya (: Nyahaha . I just woke up and here i'm blogging while waiting for Baby♥ to come back from prayers . He waited the whole morning for me to online and i was sleeping , poor Baby♥ . Sorry okay ? Well right now , i'm melting .., thanks to Baby♥ for the offline message . Hopefully meeting him later since Parents plus Lil'Rascal are on their way to meet Kammy's family to go JB , which i dont intend to tag along and leaving Baby♥ behind . NO WAY . Bro came back early in the morning after his chalet thang and his sleeping , occupying the sofa outside with the television on . So anyways , i asked Lil'Rascal to get me games so i can play if i'm bored of Blackshot . hehe . I have Baby♥ stuck in my mind and i want him to come home fast . I wonder what will we be doing today . And as for tomorrow , meeting Baby♥ first to get his paint and then we'll proceed to meet the rest . Fauzi's bringing his girlfriend along :D Its like from chalet a few months back , knowing that he always have a rocky relationship and finally now a girlfriend who me and the other 6 can really tell that they will last long . All the best dude ! I'm hungry and i feel like watching teevee . Okay , will leave lappy on and wait till Baby♥ to come back while i go take my shower and eat while watching teevee . Sounds good ? YAY .

&& OHH , HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY JAY (: LAST LONG WITH NATASHA YEAHH AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER TOO .

I love you beautiful
xoxo .

HEART-QUAKE♥

2010-05-26T20:23:00.003+08:00

Heyya (: Sorry for not updating , been busy with Baby♥ all the time till i forgot all about updating . So anyway , i've been doing good so far . Trying and putting a little more effort in schoolwork eventhough i'm still lazy . Nothing has changed in school and i've yet to complete my Photoshop . Deadline will be at 4.30pm tomorrow and i gotto rush things and hand it in , if not 40marks gone just like that . Well , i didn't meet Baby♥ today and god knows how much i miss him . But i'm sure his feeling dissapointed right now . Because i didn't went online the whole afternoon since i came back from school . I'm really sorry love . I did intend to online but after i took my medication , i fell asleep . I slept throughout the whole afternoon and wokeup an hour ago . I'm really sorry . You may not believe me and think i'm trying to find excuses , but no . i'm not . I just felt so horrible when i received your offline message , i totally do . Hais , i really don't know what to do . His not online and i don't feel good about this . I don't know if he really is gonna forgive me . I've done sooo much mistakes for the past 1month , 2weeks and 5days and he forgives me . I feel totally bad . Sometimes it just got me thinking whether whatever has happen to us , does his feelings change towards me . Does he really love me like how he did from the start ? And i know its hard for him to really trust me now , i can tell . I'm afraid of losing him one day and i don't wish for that to happen . He turn my life around and i'm so used to it that i love to see and be with him everyday and not stop loving him because my heart will always skip a beat whenever his on my mind . He make me feel shy , silly , special , love , sincere , so warm and the littlest thing i could ever think of . He does , not anyone else but Fai♥ . His the only person who can really make me feel this way . I could have any guy i wanted to be with but i chose Fai♥ among the rest . It feels different when i'm with him , i could really be myself . He took my breath away , he stole my heart , he ease my pain , he spices things up , he have tons of ideas to get me laughing , he got me going all gugugaga , he worries about me , he will be mad at me , he looks after me , he cares about me ............. Haiya ., there's sooo many things to say about Baby♥ . There's one thing i know and will always have faith and believed in is that I love him very much . That will never ever change , not even a single bit . I need him more than anybody . I nearly lose him once and i'll never repeat the same mistake and lose him for the second time . I can't bare the thought without him with me , it kills me . Even Nazri(Ex) says Baby♥ is fortunate to have someone like me . Well , of cause Naz is jealous for ill-treating me back then and that he regretted so so much for losing me and not love and give me all the attention i wanted . So Fai♥ is here to shower me all that and he already did , more than enough . I never regret being with him and 2nd monthsary is coming real soon . And i already planned it , hope it will turn out smoothly . Baby♥ , i miss you and i'm sorry for today . I really do . Go online soon okay ? I love you many many ♥.

& You're one in a million (:

muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz
muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz
muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz
muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz
muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz muackz
*mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*

xoxo

2010-05-22T04:29:00.000+08:00

and ohh , i don't suffer from any attitude problems . Just leave me alone :(

OHHMYGOD .

2010-05-22T03:21:00.002+08:00

Heyya . It's 3.20am in the morning and here i am blogging . Well , not because i have nothing to do .. it's because i'm webcaming with Baby♥ , which right now neither of us is talking . I don't know why . Hais , i don't wanna talk about it either . I'm freaking bored and i seriously dont know what to do right now . Can i kill myself instead ? I wish i could . FAKE ! My cough is terribly bad and Mummy wants to take me to the hospital again . Waste of money . I really don't know what to do with my cough . Medicine won't work and its killing me so so badly . Ohhyarh , I passed my Modeule 1 . Luckily .. But Aishah say i have to redo my Module 2 (Autocad) . Botak's coming back in a week's time . YAAYness , no more corruptions of lessons . I'm heading out to town today with Wonderful People . I really have a strong feeling that not many will turn up because of last minute thang . Firasat . I learn that word from Syafiq yesterday . S L O W me . I'm meeting Baby too tomorrow after hanging out with Cliques . I miss Baby♥ badly :( Hais ..................... Anyone , cheer me up can ? thankyou .

Baby♥ , i love you . I do .

xoxo

I'M SORRY .

2010-05-19T22:34:00.002+08:00

I miss her very much . I really do . Its been a long time since we've really really talk . I read her tumblr and she's really fcvked up because of me . I'm sorry . I really am . Talk about all the guys we want and even having our heart to heart conversation , i really do miss all that . Just give me time alright ? You're still my best cousin and my all-time favourite sister . Because without you , my 17years of life wouldn't be the same . We grow up together since we're still a baby . I love you Jill . Really do . Am i'm totally sorry for everything . forgive me okay ?

xoxo

ADORABLY CRAZY♥

2010-05-18T20:12:00.005+08:00

Heyya (: I'm back . Phew , I'm home at last and guess what ? I'm alone . Boohoo ! Yes , indeed . I'm all alone at home cause basically , everyone's out . Except the fact that they are on the way home now i assume . And not forgetting I'm hungry too . I've been having this BIG appetite to eat lately but every time i do , i won't finish up the food . Baby♥ will finish it up for me , right ? But he encourage me to finish up my food and waste it and if he tries to feed me , i can't say NO . Because he'll say this to me , " takmu tolak rezeki , tak bagus ". Haha , so cute and I'll end up eating . Talking about Baby♥ , i met him today . YAAYness ! :D Went Yishun after school and bought for him lunch since he haven't had anything yet . I even forgot to buy his cigarettes , but luckily i asked Bro to do so . He talked to me about his issues and i was there to hear him out . To be honest , Baby wanted to cry but his a MAN . He won't and will never cry infront of me even i told him to pour his heart out . Baby♥ , i know you're reading this .... I'm your listening ear and the person that you will turn to . I will lend you my shoulders to cry on and wipe your tears with my hands . I will give big warm hugs to comfort you and kiss you to assure that everything is going to be alright . You know you can count on me , and i will never fail to be there for you in times you need me or not . Nothing can change that . I love you ♥ .
Soooo anyways , Baby♥ was very playful today . Haha , how adorable can he be . As usual , he will always make me laugh my ass out and i swear i was out of my mind . Well , he can accept me at my worst .. he deserves me at my best . If you know what i mean . I can tell you that no one can be like us , really . I'm meeting Baby♥ tomorrow again . Maybe together with Insyirah and the others . Okay , Baby♥'s calling me .

xoxo

LETS DROOL ♥

2010-05-18T00:09:00.003+08:00

Heyya :D haha . it's late and i know i'm not suppose to be hearing blogging but instead sleeping , right ? Well , later or soon maybe . Mainly because i'm still talking to Baby♥ , well actually web-caming with him to be exact . So anyways , i played Blackshot with Baby♥ today . Its freaking fun , thanks to him for introducing that game to me . Paper was difficult yesterday since the grid wasn't drawn accurately and i have a very strong feeling that many will flung Module 1 . GRRRR . Class is a disaster without Botak . Wait , topic is running . Heh , so as i was saying ...... i'm talking to Baby♥ and he doesnt know i'm blushing (: Since i can't meet him yesterday due to some reasons , i'm meeting Baby♥ today . YAAYness !! Totally can't wait . And i yet have another paper today . Photoshop . Hais :( BAD !
I miss Baby♥ . I want Botak to be back soon . I need to study .

xoxo

YELLOW SUNDAY .

2010-05-16T15:02:00.004+08:00

Heyya :D , i'm back today . Well , since i'm not going anywhere and stay at home .. might as well i update my blog right ? Since it's a new one . Ohhwell , i woke up very late today and Baby♥ was already waiting for me to go online . Sorry love . And now , i'm having very bad flu due to aircon plus fan . So yesterday , i went out with Baby♥ . Met him at Somersat and we headed to Cineleisure to catch out movie . And yeahh , i get to watch The Last Song with him . Rating : 5/5 . Superb ! I want to watch again ! and ohh , Baby♥ lost his phone yesterday :( Now very difficult to text him . I'm trying to get a phone for him to use anyway , hopefully as soon as possible . After movie , we headed to Suntec then slacked near 4sticks . Left around 9plus to 10pm . And did i mention i broke Sheesha ? yes , i totally did . I got myself cut too , serve me right then . Onthephone with Baby♥ and went to bed straight after talking to him . Right now , parents are going out to get a new Sheesha since i broke it . Haha , my bad huh . I miss Baby♥ so very much . I'm meeting him tomorrow after my papers and currently , i'm studying . Okay , i gtg . Baby's calling me (:

xoxo

BACK :D

2010-05-14T09:01:00.002+08:00

Heyya ! I'm back to blogger now . Well , after i deleted my dead blog .. i thought of making a new one . A personal blog for myself and a few others to read especially Baby♥ . Okay , this is my first post for a new blog . Ohhwell , tumblr is being a bitch lately but i couldn't care less . I'm currently in school having free period which i thought there's a test going on today . Soooo anyways yesterday , I went Yishun with Insyirah and the rest but they went to Rudy's crib instead . Me , on the other hand , met Baby♥ at MRT before heading to Queensway . I wanna survey shoes but i didn't in the end . Haha . Reached Jurong and bus-ed all the way to Queensway . As usual , Baby♥ will always disturb me (: Walked around , ate at Mac , walked around again and bus-ed to Queenstown MRT . Hey , time do fly very fast ya'know . And it was sooo fast that i spend little time with Baby , now i'm missing him very badly :( I got accepted in Bowling and i'm having training today at 2pm @ Orchid Country Club . Since Insyirah and Amy not going , i'm not going too . Imma meet Baby and spend time with him . Heh . His still sleeping right now .. poor boy . Sleep well alright ? Text me when ya awake .

&& I'M HUNGRY !!!! :D

Baby , i love you very much and yes i really do .